
Glass _!££ 

Bonk ,P>5TU 



COPXRIGHT DEPOSi 



l J?Y' 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

By FREDERICK S. ISHAM AND MAX MARCIN 




SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St., New Y«rk 



^ 



THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY. 

The famous comedy in three acts, by Anne Warner; i males, 6 
females. Three interior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

This is a genuinely funny comedy with splendid parts for "Aunt 
Mary," "Jack," her lively nephew; "Lucinda," a New England an- 
cient maid of all work; "Jack's" three chums; the Girl "Jack" loves; 
"Joshua," Aunt Mary's hired man; etc. 

"Aunt Mary" was played by May kobsori in New York arid on tour 
for over two years, and it is sure to be a big success wherever pro- 
duced. We strongly recommend it. Price, 60 Cents. 



MRS. BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A pleasing comedy, in three acts, by Harry James Smith, author of 
"The Tailor-Made Man." 6 males, 6 females. One interior scene. 
Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

Mr. Smith chose for his initial comedy the complications arising 
from the endeavors of a social climber to land herself in the altitude 
peopled by hyphenated names— a theme permitting innumerable com- 
plications, according to the spirit of the writer. 

This most successful comedy was toured for several seasons by Mrs. 
Fiske with enormous success. Price, 60 Cents. 



MRS; TEMPLE'S TELEGRAM, 

A most successful farce in three acts, by Frank Wyatt and Wil- 
liam Morris. 5 males, 4 females. Orie interior scene stands through- 
out the three acts. Costumes modern, plays 2 l /t hours. 

"Mrs. Temple's Telegram" is a Sprightly farce in which there ist 
an abundance of fun without any taint of impropriety or any ele- 
ment of offence. As noticed by Sir Walter Scott, "Oh, what a 
tangled web we weave when first We practice to deceive." 

There is not a dull moment in the entire farce, and from the time 
the curtain rises until it makes the final drop the fan is fast arid 
furious. A very exceptional farce. price, 60 Cents. 



THE NEW CO-ED. 

A comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of "Tempest and 
Sunshine," etc. Characters, 4 males, 7 ftmales. though ariy number 
of boys and girls can be introduced in the action of the play. One 
interior and one exterior scene, but cart be easily played in one inte- 
rior scene. Costumes modern. Time^ about 2 hours. 

The theme of this play is the coming of a new Student to the col- 
lcge> her reception by the scholars, her trials and final triumph. 
i T J J? re j » r . e ■ -tSree. especially good girls' parts, Letty* Madge and 
Estelle, but the others have plenty to do. "Punch" Doolittle arid 
George Washington Watts, a gentleman Of color, are two particularly 
good comedy characters. We can strongijr recomiriehd "The New 
€b-Ed" to high schools and ariiateurs. Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Abo>/e Are Subject to Royalty Whferi Produced) 
SAMUEL PRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free on Request 




Three Live Ghosts 




A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 

BY 
FREDERICK S. ISHAM 

AND 

MAX MARGIN / 



(From the novel of the same name by Frederick S. Isham, 
published by Bobbs-Merrill Company) 

All Rights Reserved 



CAUTION. — Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned 
that "THREE LIVE GHOSTS," being fully protected 
under copyright laws of the United States, Great Britain 
and Canada, is subject to a royalty, and anyone present- 
ing the play without the consent of the owners or their 
authorized agents will be liable to the penalties by law 
provided. Applictions for mateur acting rights must be 
made to Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th Street, New 
York. 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 
28-30 West 38th Street 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



Copyright, 1918 (in Novel Form) by The Bobbs-Merrill Co. 
Copyright, 1918 (under the title of "The Daisy Push- 
ers"), by Frederick S. Isham 
Copyright, 1919 (under the title of "The Daisy Push- 
ers"), by Max Marcin 
Copyright, 1920 (under the title of "Three Live Ghosts"), 
by Frederick S. Isham 
Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French A 

All Rights Reserved YV _/\\s *u uA 



± 



■ 



Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
this book without a valid contract for production first 
having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play 
publicly or in private for gain or charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
public only, and no performance, representation, produc- 
tion, recitation, or public reading may be given except by 
special arrangement with Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th 
Street, New York. 

This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment 
of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each perform- 
ance, payable to Samuel French, 28-30 West 38th Street, 
New York, one week before the date when the play is 
given. 

Whenever the play is produced the following notice must 
appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the 
play : "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
French of New York." 

Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for 
any infringement of the author's rights, as follows : 

"Section 4966 : — Any person publicly performing or rep- 
resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which 
copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the 
proprietor of said dramatic or musical compositions, or his 
heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, 
such damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not 
less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dol- 
lars for every subsequent performance, as to the court 
shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and 
representation be wilful and for profit, such person or 
persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon con- 
viction shall be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one 
year."— U. S. Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3. 



. 



j cm 



82490 Cy 



I 18 ; 22 / ¥ ' 









t^v 



The following is a copy of the original playbill of the 
first performance of "Three Live Ghosts" at the Green- 
wich Village Theatre, New York City, September 29th, 
1920. 

MAX MARCIN 

Presents 

THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 

BY 

FREDERICK S. ISHAM and MAX MARCIN 

(From the novel of the same name by Frederick S. Isham 
published by Bobbs-Merrill Company) 

THE PLAYERS 

(In the order of their first appearance.) 

Mrs. Gubbins. known as "Old Sweetheart 

Beryl Mercer 

Peggy Woofers. B&atrice Miller 

Bolton, of the American Detective Agency 

Emmet t Shackelford 

Jimmie Gibbons Charles McNaughton 

William Foster, alias "William Jones" 

Percy Helton 

Spoofy Cyril Chadwick 

Rose Gordon Flora Sheffield 

Briggs, of Scotland Yard Charles D alt on 

Benson Arthur Metcalf 

Lady Leicester Mercedes Desmore 

THE SCENES 

Act I — Home of "Old Sweetheart" 
Act II — The same the follozvinq mornina. 
Act III — The same a fezv minutes later. 
Place: London, 191 7. 
3 



CAST 

(In the order in which they appear.) 

Mrs. Gubbins. known as "old sweetheart." 

Miss Woofers. 

Bolton, of the American Detective Agency. 

Jimmie Gubbins. 

William Foster, alias, William Jones. 

Spoofy. 

Rose Gordon. 

Briggs, of Scotland Yard. 

Benson. 

Lady Leicester. 

Two Policemen. 



4 



Three Live Ghosts 

ACT ONE 

Scene: The action of all three acts takes place in 
the combination sitting and dining room in the 
house of Mrs. Gubbins, known as "Old Sweet- 
heart" in the poorer quarters of London. The 
room is sparsely furnished and contains a 
shabby dining table, an open cupboard with 
packages, etc., several dilapidated chairs and a 
mantel with a wheezy old clock and several 
cheap ornaments. An air of squalor and drink 
permeates the place. There is a door up stage, 
l., opening into kitchen. Door down stage l., 
opening into bedroom; door, r.c. opening into 
hall. Across hall can be seen stairway. Double 
doors down stage R. opening into bedroom. 
Practical bay window l.c. back, looking into 
street. 

Time : The summer of 1917. 

Place : London. 

Discovered: Old Sweetheart and Miss Woof- 
ers at table, Old Sweetheart right, Miss 
Woofers left. Their hands are on table, their 
fingers touching as at a spiritual seance. The 
kitchen door and door r. open. Slow curtain. 

Old Sweetheart. (She looks up and calls) 

5 



6 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie Gubbins, your stepmother is callin' to you — 
your sweetheart is wytin' to 'ear from you. Jimmie 
Gubbins, where are you? (Very brief pause.) 

Miss Woofers. The spirits don't seem to be very 
accommodatin' to-day. 

Old Sweetheart. Sometimes they are verry 
obsinate and you got to coax 'em. I'll try again. 
(She looks up and smiles.) Jimmie Gubbins, don't 
you 'ear me callin' you ? Wot's the matter with you 
to-day? (Hurdy-gurdy plays off stage.) Good 
'eavens, 'e'll keep that up all day, maybe if I throw 
in a penny 'e'll go away. (She rises, goes to win- 
dow at back and throws penny. Hurdy-gurdy stops. 
Old Sweetheart goes down to table, sits, with tips 
of fingers again touching Miss Woofers'. ) Now 
that the concert is over, maybe his spirit will an- 
swer. I'll try again. Jimmie Gubbins, where are 
you? 

Miss Woofers. Mybe his spirits is here and we 
don't know it. 

Old Sweetheart. Let's try asking him a ques- 
tion. You ask. 

Miss Woofers. I don't know what to ask him. 

Old Sweetheart. Ask 'im if 'e's 'appy over 
there. 

Miss Woofers. Jimmy, are you 'appy over there? 
(Three ghostly raps outside R.) 

Old Sweetheart. That means "Yes." 

Miss Woofers. Was it really 'is spirit? 

Old Sweetheart. I can feel 'im near me — verry 
near. Ask him another question. 

Miss Woofers. What'll I ask 'im now? 

Old Sweetheart. I 'ave 'eard that wot you liked 
over here you gets over there. Now, wot did Jimmie 
like most? 

Miss Woofers. He always liked his beer. 

Old Sweetheart. Jimmie Gubbins, does you still 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 7 

get your beer? (Three raps at door r.) He gets 
it. That's verry consoling. 

Miss Woofers. Sounded to me like sombody at 
the door. 

Old Sweetheart. You go. 

Miss Woofers. (Goes towards door, frightened, 
then to back of table) It's your door. 

Old Sweetheart. Oh, verry well. 

(Old Sweetheart goes to door, cautiously opens 
it. Bolton is revealed just outside of door. 
Has newspaper in pocket with picture of Bill. 
As Bolton slowly enters, closes door, the two 
women move away, frightened. Old Sweet- 
heart to front of table, r v end.) 

Bolton. Mrs. Gubbins ? 



Old. Sweetheart. Yes 

Bolton. (Coming down) The landlady told me 
I'd find you here. 

Old Sweetheart. You 'as. Tghly honored — 
gentleman from the city, I tyke it ? 

Bolton. May I speak with you alone? (Looks 
hard at Miss Woofers.J 

Miss Woofers. All right. (Exits c.d. r. Closes 
door.) 

Bolton. My name is Bolton, of the American 
Detective Agency. 

Old Sweetheart. Oh, a detective? 

Bolton. Yes. 

Old Sweetheart. Won't you sit down? 

Bolton. Thanks. (He sits, chair r.) Mrs. 
Gubbins, I came to speak to you of your son. 

Old Sweetheart. Yes? 

Bolton. He is dead, I believe? 

Old Sweetheart. He is — I believe. 

Bolton. Aren't you positive? 



>: 



8 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Old Sweetheart. Verry positive. 

Bolton. What makes you so positive that he's 
dead. 

Old Sweetheart. 'Aven't I collected the life 
Insurance ? 

Bolton. He was reported killed in action, wasn't 
he? 

Old Sweetheart. 'e died a 'ero — a martyr to 
is country — 'e died a bryve soldier and the wye the 
government doles out the insurance money you'd 
think 'e died as a favor to me. But wot might be 
your business with my Jimmie? (Goes to chair l. 
of table, sits.) 

Bolton. (Goes to front of table) It doesn't con- 
cern him, but another. I am looking for an Ameri- 
can, Foster by name, whom I hoped to trace through 
your son. 

Old Sweetheart. Why through 'im? 

Bolton. Because I have reasons to believe he 
enlisted in your son's regiment. You see, this Fos- 
ter left New York in rather a hurry. 

Old Sweetheart. They sometimes does leave 
New York in a hurry. 

Bolton. I believe he enlisted under the name of 
William Jones. I was hoping your son might have 
mentioned William Jones in one of his letters. 

Old Sweetheart. Never heard the nyme be- 
fore! 

Bolton. I have found an American or two, 
named Jones, but they were not the Jones I wanted ! 

Old Sweetheart. There are a lot of Joneses! 
Very clever of 'im I call it, if 'e wanted to hide, 
tyking that nyme. 

Bolton. (Looks about, crosses to l. Sees photo 
of Jim on mantel) This your son? (Compares 
with picture in paper.) 

Old Sweetheart. Yes, that's my boy- — - 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 9 

Bolton . (Crosses to Old Sweetheart. Shows 
her paper) There's a picture of the young man I 
want to find. 

Old Sweetheart. Oh! Ayn't 'e 'andsome? 
Wot's it sye? 

Bolton. (Reads) "Wanted : Information as to 
whereabouts of William Foster, of New York City. 
Believed to have enlisted in London, January, 191 5, 
under the name of William Jones. (Glancing at Old 
Sweetheart. J — 1000 pounds reward will be paid 
for said information." 

Old Sweetheart. 1000 pounds? (Sighs.) 

Bolton. (Glancing at Jim's picture, going back 
of table) Now, Mrs. Gubbins, I want you to look 
among your son's papers if you have any, and see if 
you can help us trace this man Foster — (Puts paper 
on table.) — or Jones, as he calls himself. It would 
pay you well if you could. 

Old Sweetheart. I'll do my verry best. And 
if I should find 'im — shall I let them know it at 
Scotland Yard? 

Bolton. No, no, you'd better let me know per- 
sonally. You see, they know of the reward at Scot- 
land Yard and might claim it. 

Old Sweetheart. Then I shan't 'ave anything 
to do with Scotland Yard. Wot did you sye your 
name was? 

Bolton. Bolton. And should you forget it — 
you'll find it — (Picks up paper.) — in the newspaper. 
The address too. (Puts paper down. Impressively.) 
One thousand pounds reward ! Good day, Mrs. 
Bubbins. (Going to c.d. -r.) 

Old Sweetheart. Good day. ('Bolton exits, 
closes door.) One thousand pounds, one thousand 

pounds, one thousand quid (Rises, goes to 

closet, R. T takes out bottle of gin, glass and deck of 
old cards — goes to table, pours out drink, spreads 



io THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

out cards, three piles, three at a time, telling for- 
tune.) To me 'ouse, to me friends, to myself, to 
myself. (Drinks.) One thousand pounds — (Looks 
at first pile.) Spades, I 'ate spades. (Looks at 
other piles, they are diamonds.) King of diamonds, 
that's better — oh! Something's going to happen, 
something very lucky for me. (Pours drink. Miss 
Woofers knocks. Old Sweetheart drinks quickly, 
goes to closet.) Somebody may want a drink. (Put- 
ting back bottle and glass.) Come in (Enter 

Miss Woofers. ) 

Miss Woofers. I see the gent's gone. Wot did 
he want? (Goes to back of table, picks up paper.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Crosses to table) Nothing 
— nothing, leave that paper alone. (Takes cards.) 

Miss Woofers. Is there anything particular in 
the pyper? 

Old Sweetheart. Nothing particular at all. 
(Takes paper.) I'm savin' it for wrapping some- 
thing in. (Crosses to closet and puts paper and 
cards in it.) Never can tell when an old newspy- 
per'll come in 'andy. 

Miss Woofers. You been telling your fortune, 
I see. Did you learn anything from the cards? 

Old Sweetheart. I'm to fall an heiress to a 
thousand pounds. 

Miss Woofers. More life insurance? (Moves to 
end of table.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Goes to r. of table) 'ardly. 
I only 'ad one step-son to give to my king and 
country. 

Miss Woofers. Shall we try for more messages 
from Jimmie ? 

Old Sweetheart. Yes — I got a very important 
question to arsk 'im. (They sit as before, the tips 
of their fingers touching. She looks up and calls.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS n 

Jimmie Gubbins — you still hoverin' near? Jimmy 
Gubbins, where the hell are you? 

Jimmie. (Voice off stage Old Sweetheart! Old 
Sweetheart ! 

Old Sweetheart. (Rises) Dear Gawd! 

Miss Woofers. (Rises) His voice! 

Jimmie. (Off stage) Peggy, Peggy ! 

Miss Woofers. (Frightened) He's callin' to me. 

(Enter Jimmie c. Old Sweetheart and Miss 
Woofers are scared. Miss Woofers gasps of 
surprise and fear.) 

Jimmy. Old Sweetheart! 'ello! I sye, 'ello! 
(Corning down r.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Timidly) 'Ello. 

Jimmie. Wot's the matter? Ayn't you glad to 
see me? 

Old Sweetheart. Verry glad. 

Miss Woofers. Ayn't he life-like? 

Old Sweetheart. For a spirit. 

Miss Woofers. Syme voice. 

Old Sweetheart. Syme face. 

Jimmie. And the syme Jimmy! (Seises Old 
Sweetheart in his arms. Gets zvhiff of gin and 
makes wry face.) And the syme smell — gin. 
(Kisses her, turns to Miss Woofers. J Come 'ere, 
Peg! 

Miss Woofers. (Backing away) No — no 

Jimmie. Wot's the matter with you ? Come 'ere! 
(Takes Miss Woofers in his arms.) 

Miss Woofers. It feels like him. 

Old Sweetheart. (Crosses to him, puts hands 
on him) Then it is 'im. 'E ayn't dead — 'E's come 

back — Jimmie — Jimmie (Takes him in her 

arms with genuine affection.) 

Jimmie, (After Old Sweetheart releases him) 



12 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Yes. here we are, all merry and bright and every- 
thing. Why, Mother, you're looking fine. As usual, 
soused (Crosses to r. ) 

Old Sweetheart. Drowin' of my troubles, dar- 
ling. But where 'ave you been? (Moving to R. end 
of table.) 

Jimmie. Prisoner. 

Old Sweetheart. All this time? 

Jimmie. Yes, worse luck ! 

Old Sweetheart. How was you took? 

Jimmie. Gassed. Surrendered when I didn't 
know it. When I came to I was in a prison camp. 
(Hangs hat on rack.) 

Miss Woofers. But the government reported you 
as dead. 

Jimmie. That's wot the sergeant said ! (Coming 
down R.) 

Old Sweetheart. The sergeant ? 

Jimmie. (Goes to chair R.j Yes. When I went 
back to report after having been prisoner a year in 
Germany. 

Miss Woofers. (Sits chair l. of table) Ayn't 
that awful ! Wot did the sergeant do when you 
told 'im? 

Jimmie. Was I received with open arms — as a 
'ero? 

Old Sweetheart. Wasn't you? 

Jimmie. Yes, I was — not! 

Miss Woofers. Wot 'appened? 

Jimmie. (Sit chair r.) "I've come back to re- 
port" says I. "Me wot went over the top and was 
took prisoner." "Prisoner is it?" says 'e. "No, 
prisoner it was" "You ain't escaped. You never 
was took prisoner." 

Old Sweetheart. (Soothingly) Only 'is bit of 
fun! 

Jimmie. Fun, was it? "I've come back for my 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 13 

back pay," says I. "Back pay? There ayn't none. 
Besides," he said, "you ayn't got no mortal 'ands to 
tyke it with." 

Old Sweetheart. Maybe 'e was right, Jimmie. 
Maybe you are dead and you don't know it. 

Jimmie. That's wot 'e said. "Government re- 
ports you dead." And, "dead you are (Rises, 

goes tip stage, a little.) "You're under the ground, 
a-pushin' up the daisies." Me, a daisy pusher — 
I'd like to push 'im in the eye. 

Old Sweetheart. That wouldn't do no good. 

Jimmie. Wyte till I come back to life. (Old 
Sweetheart looks at Jimmy. ) 

Old Sweetheart. You can't come back to life. 

Jimmie. Wy not? 

Old Sweetheart. You'd be gettin' me into trou- 
ble. 

Jimmie. Trouble? How? 

Old Sweetheart. You got to stye dead. If you 
love me, stye dead, Jimmie. Please stye dead. 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Old Sweetheart ) You 
know me, mother. I'm willing to be accommodatin', 
but wot's it all about? 

Old Sweetheart. I've been spendin' the life 
insurance. 

Jimmie. You mean you've collected on me? 

Old Sweetheart. You never can collect life 
insurance too quickly, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. 'Ave you got all of it? 

Old Sweetheart. Government wouldn't give it 
all up at once. There's another installment coming 
and you got to stye dead if I'm to get it. 

Jimmie. (Crosses to back of chair r. Laughing.) 
It would be a shyme to let the government rob you 
of my life insurance, wouldn't it? 

Old Sweetheart. An' arter I've been looking 
forward to collectin' the next installment ! 



14 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. Yes, but wot about my back pay? 

Old Sweetheart. You can come to life when 
the h'insurance is spent and draw your back pay. 
And do the government wot tried to do you. 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Old Sweetheart J You do 
get ideas, don't you? But do I help spend the 
insurance ? 

Old Sweetheart. We'll see. (]im looks in 
purse.) I'll see. 'Ere's a shillin'. (Takes coin from 
her purse and hands it to him.) 

Jimmie. (Takes coin) Oh, Blyme, can you 
spare it? (Spits on coin, throws it up and catches 
it.) 

Old Sweetheart. It ayn't any good for you to 
have too much money. You might spend it on 

liquor fJ IM crosses R.) Which reminds me — 

(Rises, going to c. door r. Miss Woofers rises; 
goes to front of table.) 

Jimmie. Time for a drink, eh? 

Old Sweetheart. I 'as a little errand. (At 
door.) 

Jimmie. Make it a long one. 

Old Sweetheart. I'll take my time. (Looks 
knozvingly at Jimmie and Peg. Exit Old Sweet- 
heart, closes door.) 

Miss Woofers. (Stands in a posture of confused 
bashfulness) Ayn't you got something nice to sye 
to me? 

Jimmie. (Eyeing her appraisingly; going to her) 
Ayn't you been putting on flesh ? 

Miss Woofers. Maybe a little bit, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. Ain't you been worryin' about me? 

Miss Woofers. I've thought of you every min- 
ute. 

Jimmie. Thinking so hard, you took on flesh. 

Miss Woofers. I can't 'elp it, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. Who you been keepin' company with ? 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 15 

Miss Woofers. They ay n't been no one, Jimmie ! 
You arsk me! 

Jimmie. (Sternly) Attention! (She straightens 
with a look of awe.) Salute! (She does. Jimmie 
grabs her.) 

Miss Woofers. Oh, Jimmie, don't 'ug so 'ard ! 

Jimmie. (Putting her out at arms' length) It's 
all right. You ain't been practisin'. Give me a kiss. 
(She responds with maiden bashfulness—a little 
peck. Jimmie surveys her.) You 'aven't improved 
at all. (Goes little to r .) 

Miss Woofers. Wot you mean, Jimmie? 

Jimmie. (Loftily) In the h'art of h'osculation ! 

Miss Woofers. (Anxiously) Oh, Jimmie, don't 
you like my kisses ? 

Jimmie. (Goes to her) You call that kissin'? 
That's peckin'. A regular kiss ayn't too short, and 
it ayn't too long. It's sort of linger in' I (Dreamily.) 

Miss Woofers. (Anxiously) 'Ow do you know ? 

Jimmie. Eh? 

Miss Woofers. You ayn't been practisin', 'ave 
you? 

Jimmie. (Hastily) Me? 

Miss Woofers. "On those French lydies? 

Jimmie. How could I? I don't even know the 
language ! 

Miss Woofers. (Apparently re-assured) That's 
so ! (They embrace.) 

(Enter William Foster, alias William Jones, an 
American, followed by "Spoofy." The latter 
is an Englishman suffering from shell-shock. 
Both look starved and seedy. Spoofy's pants 
are rather short. The American's (Bill) 
manner is somewhat subdued.) 



i6 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Bill. Hello, Jimmie. (Leaves door open, com- 
ing down rJ 

Jimmie. 'Lo, Bill. (Bill down r. He sees Miss 
Woofers in Jim's arms.) 

Bill. Beg pardon 

Jimmie. (To BillJ It's all right, it's all right. 
This is me gal. Me regular gal — w'en at home. 
(Introducing Miss Woofers.,) Peg, this is me 
American pal, Bill, Miss Peggy Woofers. 

Miss Woofers. It's an honor (Bill crosses 

to Peggy, shakes hands.) 

Bill. Glad to know you, Miss Woofers. 

Jimmie. (Indicating Spoofy, who has been wan- 
dering dozvn r. looking at room) This is my other 
pal! "Spoofy," we calls him, because 'e ayn't any 
brynes ! 

Miss Woofers. W'ot a sad affliction! (Gazing 
at SpoofyJ 

Spoofy. (Gazing about) Wot a beautiful room. 
Rather short of bric-a-brac, though ! (All turn 
looking at room.) 

Miss Woofers. Does the poor man like bric-a- 
brac? (Sympathetically. Spoofy wanders up to 
cupboard.) 

Jimmie. (Hastily) Yes ; bric-a-brac and other 
things ! But don't mind him. He ayn't exactly 
crazy, only bug-'ouse — sufferin' from shell-shock ! 

Miss Woofers. (Crosses to JimmieJ Shell- 
shock — Is 'e dangerous? 

Jimmie. Not at all! He 'as one or two — harm- 
less little 'abits — that's all! (Spoofy opens cup- 
board, takes out salt cellar, puts in pocket.) 

Miss Woofers. Oh! (Spoofy comes down r. 
stands looking out door R.J Wot did you sye 'is 
name was? 

Jimmie. I don't know. 

Miss Woofers. Who is 'e? 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 17 

Jimmie. That's it — who the 'ell is 'e? 

Miss Woofers. Don't you know ? 

Jimmie. I don't and 'e don't. (Miss Woofers 
turns to Bill.) 

Bill. We found him in a prison camp. 
^ Miss Woofers. Prison camp ? (Crosses Bill to 
fireplace.) 

Jimmie. He sort of annexed himself. 

Miss Woofers. (Quickly) Well, I think I'll go 
and 'elp ma! I'm learning 'ow to cook. (Miss 
Woofers crosses to l. round to c. door r.) 

Jimmie. (Goes to c. door r. With enthusiasm) 
Wait a minute! Give us another kiss before you 
go. 

^ Miss Woofers. Before gentlemen ? Oh, Jimmie 
Gubbins ! (Bashfully, exits c. door r. Jimmie goes 
into hall with her, hear kissing, then he returns; 
closes door. 

Bill. (Crosses to chair l. of table. Laughing) 
Jimmie, Jimmie. How'd you find your mother, Jim- 
mie? 

Jimmie. Fine, she's full of spirits. (Crosses to 
back of chair r. of table. Quickly to pals.) Boys, 
did you get it ? That back pay ? I mean, of course 
you did. (Bill shakes head. Jimmie continues in 
tone of anguish.) Don't sye you didn't get it ? 

Bill. (Shaking pockets) Hear anything jing- 
ling, Jimmie? 

Jimmie. Mybe it's in ten-pun notes? 

Bill. (Showing empty pockets.) Not a note! 

Jimmie. Wot? 

Bill. All in the same boat — Officially dead ! 

Jimmie. Not 'im? (Pointing to SpoofyJ 

Bill. Same thing. Now identify him. 

Spoofy. (Who gazing out door r. Turns quick- 
ly) Identify? Sergeant asked me who I was. 



18 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Told him it was none of his bally business ! Haw ! 
Haw! fSpooFY sits chair r.) 

Jimmie. (Fixing him with his eyes) You think 
that was a good joke? (Crossing to front chair r. 
of table. To Bill .) Well, here we are. What are 
we going to do about it ? (Sits chair r. of table.) 

Bill. Three ghosts! 

Jimmie. Three live ghosts ! — and one of them 
out of commission. (Looks towards SpoofyJ 

Spoofy. I know where it's hidden. 

Jimmie. What? 

Spoofy. Money, jewels. 

Jimmie. You mean you 'ave got some stuff hid- 
den in a crib ? 

Spoofy. I can go out and get lots of things. 
aaA Jimmie. (To Bill J I believe 'e could. 

Spoofy. What would you like me to bring back ? 

Jimmie. Your brynes. 

Spoofy. Ha! Ha! Ha! (Rises, goes into bay 
window. Bill sits l. of table.) 

Jimmie. Bli'me he gives me the shivers with that 
laugh of his. 

Bill. If we don't watch him he's liable to come 
back with somebody else's brains. 

Jimmie. Yes, we've got to take care of him — if 
only out of gratitude for the things he swiped for 
us while we were starving our w'y through Germany 
and Holland. What a wizard he was at swipin' 
things ! You know, I can't make out whether he's 
a retired parson or a burglar. fSpooFY exits into 
kitchen.) 

Bill. (Rises) Well, I'm thankful for the clothes 
he swiped for us, anyway. 

Jimmie. He made a mess of my fit. Look at 
these collars around the ankles. Look at the coat, 
Bill. How does it 'ang? (Pulls coat out in front.) 

Bill. It hangs on. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 19 

Jimmie. 'Ow's the back? (Crosses to left, Bill 
crosses r. Jimmie leaves coat hang loose, bacp to 
audience.) 

Bill. You'd know it wasn't the front. (Laughs, 
gazing around.) Hello. There's Spoofy! (Goes 
out, c. door R. into hall, looks about, looks upstairs.) 

Jimmie. (Goes to kitchen door, startled) Now 
wot you doing of ? Wot you doing there? ("Spoofy 
comes out of kitchen looking around with a happy 
smile. Jimmie ominously) Wot you got there? 
(Pointing to coat pocket, bringing Spoofy down l. 
Bill comes down r. closing door.) 

Spoofy. (Sweet smile) Where? 

Jimmie. (Puts hands in Spoofy's pockets) In 

there. Butter-knife, a salt cellar, nutmeg-grater 

(Draws these articles out of Spoofy's pockets.) 
Bli'me, what you want to swipe a nutmeg grater 
for? 

Spoofy. Oh, I'm not particular. ("Jimmie throws 
things into kitchen.) 

Jimmie. (To SpoofyJ Now listen, Spoofy; we're 
grateful to you, old man, for the food and the 
clothes you swiped for us ; God knows wot we'd 'ave 
done without you — but you're in England now and 
you've got to cut it out — understand ? Cut it all out. 
No more foraging. 

Spoofy. But you chaps have been good to me. 
I'd like to do something for you. I could rob a 
house or two. 

Jimmie. (To Bill J And have us all change our 
names to numbers. That's a pretty idea, that is. 

Spoofy. But we're three ghosts — the Govern- 
ment says so. Nobody could harm us. 

Jimmie. (Crosses to front of table) You get 
pinched and see how quickly the Government'll 
bring you back to life. No, Spoofy, you couldn't 
pull that alibi down at Scotland Yard. (Sits on 



20 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

table. Spoof y slowly wanders up to chair front of 
fireplace, sits gazing into fire.) 

Bill. (Crosses to Jim) But there's no reason 
why you should be deprived of your back pay. You 
won't have any trouble proving you're very much 
alive. Old Sweetheart could identify you. 

Jimmie. I ain't so sure. 

Bill. Why not? 

Jimmie. She's been collecting the life insurance. 
(Crosses to l.) 

Bill. What? 

Jimmie. She might get into trouble. 

Bill. It's the government's own fault. They 
wouldn't do anything to her. 

Jimmie. They'd make 'er pye it back. Bli'me, 
they'd pinch all the 'ome. (Crosses to front of 
table.) But how about you William Jones — It 
shouldn't be 'ard for you to come back to life and 
get your back pye. You can prove your identity by 
some of your American friends. (Sits on table 
front.) 

Bill. That's just what I can't do. 

Jimmie. Why? 

Bill. If the government's willing to call me dead, 
it suits me. (Crosses to r.) 

Jimmie. (Pause, crosses to Bill,) Was there 
anything 'appened before you enlisted? 

Bill. Jimmie, I think it's only fair that you 
should know. I came over here because it was a 
case of get out of the country or jail. 

Jimmie. Bli'me you're in 'is class. (Refers to 
Spoofy.J 

Bill. I know what class I'll be in if they ever 
get me back on the other side. 

Jimmie. Bill, I don't know what you did — (Looks 
towards Spoofy.J — and 'e don't know himself what 
'e did. (Crosses to front of table, sits on it.) But 
I do know I've been travelling in funny company. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 21 

Bill. (Crosses to him) That's what I'm leading 
to. There's no reason for our travelling together 
any longer. 

Jimmie. You mean — you want to split? 

Bill. It's the best that I go on my own way now. 

Jimmie. You're going straight (Hands on 

Bill's shoulder.) 

Bill. You bet, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. That's fine, Bill, and we're going to- 
gether, and when we get settled down 'ere, we'll get 
ourselves a job. 

Bill. And in the meantime 

Jimmie. You'll stay right here. 

Bill. But I can't sponge on you. \ 

Jimmie. You said you were going straight, didn't 
you? God knows it's pretty 'ard to go straight on 
an empty stomach and no place to sleep. Now I 
don't know what you done, Bill, but we've been 
through a whole lot together, and there's no reason 
why we shouldn't stick a bit longer — I'd feel a damn 
sight easier, knowin' you was 'ere and not in the 
'ands of the police. 

Spoofy. Police? (Rises, comes down l. Pause. 
Spoofy smiles.) 

Jimmie. 'E understands that. (Goes over to 
Spoofy. Bill crosses to R.J Now listen, Spoofy, 
you're going to stay here, too. Me an' Bill's going 
to look after you. You're going to get better some- 
day, and when you do, you're going straight, too. 
fSPOOFY whimpers.) Bli'me, 'e thinks I'm abusin' 
'im. Now, wot's the matter with you ? (Enter Old 
Sweetheart from c. door r.) 

Old Sweetheart. I just been to the green 
grocer's — — (Stops at sight of Jimmie's pals, 
Looks hard at Bill. Has apron full of onions.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Old Sweetheart J Mo- 



22 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

ther, my American pal (To Bill. ) Bill, this 

is my mother. 

Bill. (Crosses to Mrs. Gubbins, shakes hands) 
Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Gubbins. Jimmie talked 
of you so much, we've sort of adopted you. 

Old Sweetheart. I'm sure that's verry kind. 
(Crosses to front of table, taking large onion out 
of apron.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses to back of table, eyeing Spoofy 
dubiously) This is my mother, pal. Spoofy, my 
mother. 

Spoofy. (Crosses to l.c. as Old Sweetheart is 
about to put onion on table, going to her and lifting 
hands to lip) My lady ! 

Jimmie. Mother! ("Old Sweetheart looks at 
Jim. J He's crazy. 

Spoofy. (Kisses it again, drops it with a graceful 
gesture) I can always tell a perfect lady. (Goes ~l.) 

Old Sweetheart. Oh, he don't act so crazv to 
me. ('Bill r.) 

Jimmie. (Laughing) Ayn't that just like a 
woman? (Lying across table.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Suddenly to Jimj Did I 
'ear you sye your other pal was an American ? 

Jimmie. Yes. 

Old Sweetheart. Wot's 'is nyme? 

Jimmie. Jones. 

Old Sweetheart. Jones! What's his first name? 

Jimmie. William. 

Old Sweetheart. William Jones. William 
Jones. (Repeats with great satisfaction, chuckling.) 

Bill. (Laughing) Bill — to my friends. 

Old Sweetheart. I 'opes we comes under that 
heading. (Effusively, crosses to Bill.J 

Bill. At the head of the list, Mrs. Gubbins! 

Old Sweetheart. I'll get you all something to 
eat. (Starts for kitchen.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 23 

Bill. Oh, I'll forage around outside! Couldn't 
trouble you. (Starts for c. door r.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Quickly) No, you must 

stye. 

Bill. But I'm quite accustomed to foraging 

(Going to c. door r.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Quickly gets between Bill 
and door) I couldn't let you get away. (Hastily.) 
Just a 'umble little supper! (To Jim. J Tripe and 
onions ! 

Jimmie. Tripe and onions ! Bill, you'll love it. 

Bill. All right, I'll stay. (Hangs hat on rack.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Crossing to kitchen) You'll 
be sure he styes, Jimmie ! (Earnestly.) 

Jimmie. I won't let 'im get awye, mother! 

Old Sweetheart. It won't be much but you'll 
be 'eartily welcome! (At kitchen door to Bill. J 

Bill. Thanks, Mrs. Gubbins. 

Old Sweetheart. Myke yourself at 'ome! 
(Curtsies to Spoofy. Spoofy bows. To Bill.) I've 
tyken quite a fancy to you. (Exits into kitchen and 
closes door, chuckling.) 

Jimmie. 'Asn't she got a kind 'eart? 

Bill. (Absently) She has. (Coming down R.) 

Jimmie. Boys. Wot do you sye to a drink? 
(Getting off table.) 

Bill. (Promptly) You said something, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. I got a shilling. 

Spoofy. (Interested) Where? (Crossing quickly 
to Jim, grabs for coin.) 

Jimmie. I'll 'old it tight in my 'and. (Eyes 
Spoofy. Knock on door c.d. r.) Entres ! 

("Bill greatly surprised at seeing Rose. Enter Rose 
Gordon with small parcel under her arm, a 
hand painted bowl. She is pale, and not well, 
but has been attractive once. Leaves door open.) 



24 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Rose. (Addressing Jimmie, not seeing Bill J Oh, 
I brought this in to show Mrs. Gubbins. (Crosses 
to back of table.) 

Jimmie. Mother? She's in the kitchen. 

Rose. Never mind ! I won't disturb her. (Starts 
out.) 

Bill. (Moving towards Rose involuntarily) 
Rose ! (She recovers from her surprise, turns slow- 
ly and draws back. He continues to look at her.) 

Jimmie. 'Ello! You two seem to know each 
other. 

Bill. Rather ! fRosE draws breath quickly.) 

Jimmie. Kinda funny you two meetin' 'ere like 
this ; not the little girl you told me about ? 

Bill. Yes, it is. 

Jimmie. Well, we'll be going. (Crosses to c.d. 
r.J You know where to find us, Bill, around the 
corner. Come along, Spoofy. (To Spoofy, crosses 
very slowly.) Don't hurry yourself. Oh, come on. 
fRosE puts bowl on table.) 

Spoofy. (Crosses to c. door r.J What for? 

Jimmie. Ain't you got no indiscretion? ( Jimmie 
takes Spoofy by the arm and exits, c. door r. Closes 
door.) 

Rose. Then you're not dead, after all ? 

Bill. Rose! How in the world do you happen 
to be here? (Crosses little to l.) 

Rose. My being here isn't the extraordinary part 
of it, it's you 

Bill. Why, what's the matter? 



%i 



Rose. Why didn't you let me know you were 
alive ? 

Bill. (Crosses to r. of table) I wrote you from 
the trenches ; didn't you receive my letter ? 

Rose. Yes, I received it. But that was before 
you were reported killed. Why didn't you write 
again ? 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 25 

Bill. I didn't write again because I hoped that 
before this time it wouldn't make any difference to 
you whether I was alive or not. 

Rose. Oh, I see. I guess I was just a little fool, 
dreaming of my soldier-boy sweetheart going over 
the top, wearing his girl's picture next his heart. 

Bill. (Takes photograph from his pocket) Here's 
where I kept yours. 

Rose. (Takes photo, reads inscription) "From 
your little playmate in New York, whom you met 
again in London, and who will wait for you — 
through eternity." Sounds kind of foolish now, 
doesn't it? (Hands photo back — crosses to l. of 
table.) 

Bill. (Putting photo back — crosses to l. of 
table) It means more to me than you'll ever know. 
Why, you and your mother — they were the only 
familiar faces I saw when I struck London before. 
And now, the first day I'm back — to meet you again 
like this? (Down to front of table.) It can't be 
merely a coincidence. 

Rose. It isn't. (Crosses to front of table.) 

Bill. What do you mean? 

Rose. You'll be surprised to learn, I'm now earn- 
ing my own living. 

Bill. You mean you're really selling these bowls ? 
(Crosses to front of table. Picks up china bowl.) 

Rose. A deluded crockery man around the corner 
occasionally buys the little masterpiece that I paint. 

Bill. Is your mother here, too? (Puts bowl 
down.) 

Rose. Mother is back in New York. 

Bill. Without you ? 

Rose. Oh, conditions have changed since you saw 
me last. 

Bill. Did anything go wrong with the estate ? 

Rose. There's hardly enough left now for mother. 



26 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

I keep her courage up by writing to her how well 
I'm doing with my china painting! And I send her 
a little money too. 

Bill. (Crosses to r.) That's tough. But, how 
do you happen to be living in this house? 

Rose. You spoke in your letter of your pal, Jim- 
mie Gubbins. I came here hoping to hear of you 
through him. 

Bill. And you've been living here all this time? 
(Goes a little to RoseJ 

Rose. Well, I wasn't so successful at first with 
my china paintings. I had to find cheaper lodgings, 
and this is the cheapest place I know of, so I moved 
here. 

Bill. Rose, I'm sorry you came here. I had lots 
of time to think out there, and I hoped you'd think 
me dead. I was ashamed of myself for having 
asked you to marry me. 

Rose. (Looks at him in surprise) Ashamed ? 

Bill. I had no right to ask you to wait for me. 
I had no right to ask any girl to become my wife. 
You never knew there was another side to me — 
Rose. I want you to forget me. You're a plucky 
little girl, and you're making good on your own. I 
could only drag you down. (Turn to r. Enter Miss 
Woofers. ) 

Miss Woofers. (Has jar of preserves as she 

enters) Maw sent up this jar of preserves 

(Sees Rose and Bill.J I beg your pardon. 

Bill. Mrs. Gubbins is in there. (Crosses to r. 
Motion to kitchen. Rose goes to chair l. of table.) 

Miss Woofers. (Going to back of table) Maw's 
still wyhting for the rent, Miss Gordon. 

Bill. The rent? 

Rose. (Looks at Bill. To Peg,) I'm just going 
out to get it. I merely stopped in to ask Mrs. Gub- 
bins for a piece of paper to wrap this bowl in. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 27 

Miss Woofers. Maw has been wyting three 
weeks. Maw says you're not to come back to-night, 
without the rent. 

Bill. (To Peg, crosses to table) You mean 
your mother would put Miss Gordon out into the 
street ? 

Miss Woofers. Not if she consulted 'er feelings, 
but you cawn't in the lodging 'ouse business. (To 
RoseJ It's not like running a 'alms 'ouse or a 
'ospital. fRosE crosses to table, picks up bowl.) 

Bill. I'll wrap it up for you. (TSill takes bowl, 
looks around for a sheet of paper.) 

Miss Woofers. Mrs. Gubbins keeps 'er old news- 
paper fer wrapping in the cupboard, over there. 
(Indicates cupboard.) 

Bill. Thank you. fBiLL goes to cupboard, gets 
newspaper left by Bolton; as he's zvrapping up 
bowl.) 

Miss Woofers. Mrs. Gubbins? (Sizing Rose 
up when Bill is about finished zvrapping bozvi.) 
Mrs. Gubbins? (Starts to kitchen. Rose crosses to 
Bill. Old Sweetheart appears at kitchen door.) 
Ma sent this up 

Bill. I'll go with you. (They start for c.d. rJ 

Old Sweetheart. That's verry kind of your 
maw. (Sees Miss Gordon.^ Oh, you here, Miss 
Gordon? (Crosses to Bill and Rose, gets between 
them, in front door.) 

Bill. We were just going out together. fMiss 
Woofers goes to back of table.) 

Old Sweetheart. Oh, you cawn't go out. (To 
RoseJ You cawn't tyke him away from 'ere. 'E's 
my guest. 

Bill. I'll be back shortly. 

Old Sweetheart. I cawn't let you out of the 
'ouse. 

Bill. Why not? 



2% THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Old Sweetheart. You promised to stye for 
supper, and I'm cooking it with me own 'ands. 

Rose. There's no need of his going. It's only 
around the corner. 

Bill. But 

Old Sweetheart. I 'as first clime as 'is 'ostess. 
You drop in and 'ave a little bite with us, too, Miss 
Gordon. 

Rose. You're very kind; but I mustn't trouble 
you. 

Old Sweetheart. (Opens door, helps Rose out 
c. door R.J No trouble at all. 

Rose. Thank you, I will. (Exits c. door r.) 

Old Sweetheart. This will be a verry merry 
occasion. (Closing door. Bill goes down stage a 
little.) Poor soul. I don't think she gets enough 
to eat. (Leaning against the doorway.) 

Bill. You mean that she actually goes hungry? 
(Starts towards door — Old Sweetheart puts hand 
on knob.) 

Miss Woofers. China-pynting ayn't very pay- 
ing. Maw says when she first moved in, all she 
lived on was bread and butter and jam. Maw said, 
'er was afraid 'er would die on 'er 'ands. 

Old Sweetheart. That would 'ave been verry 
expensive for your maw. (Bill sits on table by 
cupboard.) 

Miss Woofers. Yes. Maw says it's always best 
to get them out before they die. It's not so much 
wot they owe ; it's the h'incidentals afterwards. 
Well, I must go into the kitchen and 'elp out with 
the dinner. (Crosses to kitchen.) 

Old Sweetheart. You might cut up the tripe. 

Miss Woofers. All right (Exit into kitchen, 

closes door. Bill crosses left to fireplace.) 

Bill. How long has Miss Gordon been living 
here? 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 29 

Old Sweetheart. (Crosses left a little) Oh, 
interested in 'er already? Not that I blyme you. 
She's too good looking by 'arf not to 'ave a sweet- 
heart. 

Bill. (Turning to Old Sweetheart^ She has 
no callers, then ? (Sits at fireplace, looking at Rose's 
picture.) 

Old Sweetheart. Not 'at I knows of. ( Goes to 
lamp, business of fixing it. Sits chair by lamp.) 

(Enter c. door r. Jimmie and Spoofy. Jimmie 
singing. Spoofy closes door.) 

Jimmie. Hello, Mother. Dinner ready? (Hangs 
up hat, crosses table c. Spoofy down r. ) 

Old Sweetheart. It will be. Miss Woofers is 
in the kitchen. 

Jimmie. ("Old Sweetheart on platform. Jim- 
mie rubbing hands.) Oh, fine. Getting 'er 'and in ! 
'Ope it will be better than the beer. There wasn't 
a kick in a barrel of it. 

Spoofy. The water was beautiful. 

Jimmie. (Disgusted) Water? 

Spoofy. And out of a clean glass. (Blissfully.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Rises) Speaking of water ? 
If the gentlemen would like to wash their 'ands 

Spoofy. (Puzzled, crosses to JimmieJ Wash, 
wash? 

Jimmie. (Tapping him on the shoulder) Yes, 
you're in England now. Where the bawth's a na- 
tional h'institution. (To Bill, crosses to Bill back 
of chair.) Bill ! Thank 'eaven the barth-tub's nailed 
down. (HBill doesn't laugh. Jimmie looks at him 
puzzled.) I said thank 'eaven the barth-tub's nailed 
down. 

Bill. I heard you. (Rises.) Where'll I go? 



30 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. fBiix crosses to door r.) Go in my 
little room over there. 

Bill. All right, come on, Spoofy. 

Jimmie. And, Bill, see that Spoofy don't pinch 
the soap. ^Bill and Spoofy exit r. door. Bill 
closes door. Jimmie sits at fireplace, as he lights 
cigarette.) 

Old Sweetheart. (To Jimmie, zvatching them 
off. Then crosses r.) Jimmie, we're rich. (Crosses 
back to r. of table.) 

Jimmie. Eh? Meanin' the reinsurance? 

Old Sweetheart. No, better than that, Jimmie. 
One thousand pounds. 

Jimmie. Eh? What for? 

Old Sweetheart. Rewards for — 'im. (Point- 
ing to room where Spoofy and Bill have gone.) 

Jimmie. For 'im? 

Old Sweetheart. I mean for us — for 'im 

Jimmie. What the 'ell do you mean — for us for 
'im? 

Old Sweetheart. I mean for 'is 'ead — 'is per- 
son — the h'apprehendin' of him. 

Jimmie. (Bewildered) Who? Spoofy? 

Old Sweetheart. No, the American. 'E's 
wanted 

Jimmie. What for? (Rises, crosses to front of 
table.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Coming down a little) Be- 
cause 'e's a criminal— a desperate character 

Jimmie. Wot rot! 

Old Sweetheart. It's the truth, Jimmie. 
(Crosses to Jim in front of table.) I seen it in the 
jDyper — with 'is picture — a living likeness — you 
couldn't be mistaken, Jimmie. It was brought me by 
a gentleman who arsked all about 'im — William 
Jones, wot enlisted the syme time you did — 'e's 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 31 

wanted bad — the gent will give a thousand pounds 
for information. 

Jimmie. Wot's 'e wanted for? 

Old Sweetheart. I don't know, Jimmie, but 
something desperate. Murder, most likely! 

Jimmie. Don't talk silly! (Laughs.) 

Old Sweetheart. It's no larfin' matter, Jimmie. 
Didn't the gentleman read me the article, and show 
me 'is picture. 

Jimmie. It's my opinion it's the 'ot gin that's 
talkin' ! 

Old Sweetheart. 'Ot gin ! (With a shriek.) 
And me 'ardly a tystin' of it ! (^Jimmie sniffs.) Be- 
sides, it wasn't 'ot. I took it cold. (Crosses to 
chair R.J 

Jimmie. Syme thing! 

Old Sweetheart. (Whimpering) 'E sat right 
there, Jimmie. (Pointing to chair R.J I can see 'im 
now — and I can prove it to you. Jimmie, by the 
newspaper. You'd 'ave to be believin' them. And 
it's our duty to be turnin' 'im over. 
' Jimmie. (With a sneer) Duty be 'anged ! (Goes 
up l. to back of chair.) 

Old Sweetheart. Wouldn't you be up'oldin' 
the laws of the country, Jimmie? 

Jimmie. The laws be 'anged, too — if they wants 
to 'ang my pal. (Defiantly.) 

Old Sweetheart. But if we don't give 'im up, 
it would be compoundin' a felony — And I 'opes I 
'as brought you up to be a law-abidm' citizen, Jim- 
mie? 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Old SweetheartJ You 
ayn't goin' to give up my pal — not for 100,000 
pounds ! 

Old Sweetheart. Jimmie, you would be cheatin' 
me — your own step-mother ? 

Jimmie, Yes, I would. 



32 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Old Sweetheart. (Loudly) Then you shan't! 
I won't let you. I'll give 'im up myself! That I 
will! 

Jimmie. Not while I'm 'ere to prevent it! (Sits 
on table back to audience.) 

Old Sweetheart. We'll see ! 

Jimmie. We will. You're welcome to the insur- 
ance money, but when it comes to givin' hup a pal, 
I draws a line 

Old Sweetheart. But 'e ayn't no pal of mine! 

Jimmie. I should 'ope not! I'd 'ate to think 
what would 'appen to a pal of yours. 

Old Sweetheart. (With much dignity) I 
'opes my feelings for the law would rise above hul- 
terior motives. 

Jimmie? (Crosses to door c. Calls Bill. Cross- 
ing back to foot of table. Old Sweetheart goes 
to chair r. Bill enters^, crosses to Jimmie. To 
BillJ Beat it ! 

Bill. What? 

Old Sweetheart. (To Bill ) Don't you do it ! 
You stye to supper. (Wheedling.) 

Bill. I had already made up my mind, Mrs. 
Gubbins, to accept your hospitality. (^Old Sweet- 
heart contented sigh.) 

Jimmie. Then get it out of your 'ead. It won't 
be 'ospitality! At least, not wot I'd call genuine 
'ospitality. 

Bill. What do you mean? 

Jimmie. They're arter you. 

Bill. Police? (Jimmie nods.) I'm not sur- 
prised. 

Jimmie. Better go, while the goin's good ! 

Old Sweetheart. But 'e's 'ungry ! W'y should 
'e 'urry? (Eagerly.) 

Jimmie. But 'e might eat something that didn't 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 33 

agree with 'im! Tyke my advice (Indicates 

door.) 

Old Sweetheart. But 'e shan't! (Goes quickly 
to c. door r.) 

Jimmie. (Catches her) Get away from that 
door. Get away from that door. (Throwing Old 
Sweetheart to l.J 

Old Sweetheart. Tyke your 'ands arf ! 

Jimmie. Oh, I wouldn't 'art you ! 

Old Sweetheart. 'E mustn't go! I'll scream. 
(Bill gets hat, goes c. door r.J 

Jimmie. God knows I'd 'ate to lay my 'ands on 
you, but they're not goin' to take 'im. 

Old Sweetheart. (To Jimmie,) There's a 
thousand pounds reward, and I means to 'ave it. 

Bill. (About to exit) A thousand pounds re- 
ward — on me? (Closes door. Down to r. Back of 
chair.) 

Old Sweetheart. To which I am justly entitled. 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Billj Don't mind wot she 
says. She ayn't near as greedy as she makes out 
she is. Now you run along — she ayn't going to stop 
you. 

Old Sweetheart. (Over Jim's shoulder) Yes, 
I am. (Jimmie looks at her.) 

Bill. (To front) That won't be necessary, Mrs. 
Gubbins. (Turns to Jim. J I'm going to stay right 
here. 

Jimmie. And wyte to be took? 

Old Sweetheart. Wye not ? Ayn't it better to 
be took wyting than to be caught running? 

Bill. I'm goin' to give myself up. 

Jimmie. That ayn't wot you said when we was 
in the shell-holes, together. Ycu didn't get cold 
feet then. At the sight of about forty 'uns chargin ! 
"Ply the game" — that's wot you said. And we did — 
till we couldn't ply it any longer. 



34 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Bill. This is different — not that kind of a game 
— and I've no right to drag you into it. 

Jim m ie. Oh, I ayn't particular — a fight's a fight 
— to 'ell with wot it's about. 

Bill. (To JimJ No, my mind's made up. (To 
front.) I'm going to surrender. 

Old Sweetheart. (Who has been listening with 
much approval.) Jimmie ! You listen to 'im and 
you won't go wrong. 

Bill. (To front) Thanks, Mrs. Gubbins. (To 
Jimmie.J And Jimmie, you listen to your mother. 

Jimmie. (Pause) Oh! Well, it ayn't no funeral 
of mine. 

Old Sweetheart. It ayn't no funeral — it's the 
law 

Jimmie. (Nasty tone) All of a sudden you got 
law on the bryne. 

Old Sweetheart. Right's right, Jimmie, and as 
General Booth used to sye, "I refuse to compromis- 
ing with the devil." 

Jimmie. (To Bill J A little while ago you said 
you were going to fight it out here. Wot myde you 
change your mind so suddenly? 

Old Sweetheart. (To Jim.) You 'eard wot 'e 
said. Are you tryin' to talk 'm out of hit again? 
(Jim, disgusted, goes to window.) 

Bill. (Crosses to Old Sweetheart J Don't be 
afraid, Mrs. Gubbins. Nobody is going to talk me 
out of it. 

Old Sweetheart. That's right. Be firm. 

Bill. I'm perfectly willing to let you give me 
up and get the money. 

Old Sweetheart. I knew I was going to like 
you. 

Bill. But there's something I'm going to ask 
you, Mrs. Gubbins. 

Old Sweetheart. Eh? 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 35 

Bill. I want half the reward. 

Old Sweetheart. 'Alf my reward ! You asks 
me to give you 'alf of my reward? Impossible! 
Couldn't be done ! 

Bill. It's better to take half than get nothing. 

Old Sweetheart. It's the first time I ever 'eard 

of a desperate criminal clyming 'alf 'is own reward. 

_ Bill. I'm not asking this for myself. There's a 

little girl upstairs that's up against it— I want to 

do something for her. 

Old Sweetheart. (Outraged) 'Alf my reward 
to 'er? (Sarcastically.) Oh, I like that! That's 
even worse! 

Bill. I'm not going to argue about it, Mrs. Gub- 
bms. _ Either you agree to turn over half the money 
to Miss Gordon, or you'll never give me up. 

Old Sweetheart. It's robbery! Plain 'ighwys 
robbery ! I won't submit to it ! 

Bill. Very well, then, good-bye. (Going to c. 
door r.J Good-bye, Jimmie ! 

Old Sweetheart. (Quickly crosses to c. door r 
Stops Bill.; Wyte ! Wyte ! If you insist on Miss 
Gordon cheating me out of 'alf my reward, she shall 
ave it. ("Bill closes door.) 

Jimmie. (To Bill coming dozvn c.) You don't 
think that little girl would touch any of that money 
do you? 

Old Sweetheart. I 'ope not ! 

Bill. (Crosses to JimmieJ I want her to get it 
so she doesn't know where it comes from. 

Jimmie. 'Ow do you think you can manage that? 

Old Sweetheart. (Coming down r.J I 'ave it. 
Hi'll pye it over to 'er in ^installments. Hi'll leave 
it in 'er room, a shillin' a week. 

Bill. Look here, Jimmie. I'm going to ask you 
to do me one last favor. There isn't time now to 
figure things out. I want you to promise me to get 



36 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

half that reward from your mother and get it to 
Miss Gordon somehow. Will you do that for me, 
Jimmie ? 

Jimmie. No. I can't stop you from giving your- 
self h'up ; but none of that money will pass through 
my 'ands. And that's final, Bill. (Turns L.J 

Bill. I understand the way you feel about it, 
Jimmie. But I'm going through, and I know you 
well enough to feel that when that reward is paid 
over you'll see that Miss Gordon gets her share of it. 
(To Old Sweetheart, crosses to R.J Come on, 
Mrs. Gubbins. Where do we go for that reward? 
Scotland Yard? 

Old Sweetheart. (Quickly) Oh, no, you 
mustn't go there, they'd be claiming it. It's the 
police in America, wot's offering it, and we 'ave to 
go to the gentleman wot was 'ere. 

Bill. Who was he ? 

Old Sweetheart. 'E 'ad a bowler 'at and nice 
eyes. And 'e was most particular about comin' to 
'im if I 'card (Bows.) 

Bill. What's his name? 

Old Sweetheart. I forgot. 

Bill. What was his address. 

Old Sweetheart. I can't remember — it's in the 

pyper! That I put here (Crosses to closet, 

looking.) Why, where is it? I'm sure I put it there. 
I — I saved it especially. (In agitated tones.) It 
seems gone! (With consternation.) 

Jimmie. You mean the pyper with reward in it 
is gone? 

Old Sweetheart. (Almost beside herself) Yes. 
Somebody stole it. 

Jimmie. And you don't know the nyme of the 
man wot brought it? 

Old Sweetheart. No. 

Jimmie. (To front) Now, ayn't that lucky. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 37 

Old Sweetheart. Lucky ! 

Bill. Do you mean that old newspaper that was 
in the cupboard? 

Old Sweetheart. That's it. Do you know 
what's become of it? 

Bill. Yes. I took it. 

Old Sweetheart. (Crosses ta Bill J' You? 
You got no right to it. It's my pyper and I wants 
it. 

Bill. I'm sorry — I haven't got it. 

Old Sweetheart. Wot did you do with it? 

Bill. I wrapped it around a piece of china that 
Miss Gordon was taking out to sell. 

Jimmie. Did you know what it was? 

Bill. No. (Crosses to Jimmie. J 

Old Sweetheart. You sye Miss Gordon took it 
away with 'er? (Follows Bill. ) 

Bill. Yes. 

Old Sweetheart. Where did she tyke it to ? 
^V^ Bill. I don't know. 

Jimmie. 'Ow long 'as she been gone? 

Bill. Only a few minutes. 

Old Sweetheart. Hi'll find 'er. (Starts for the 
c. door r. Bill crosses r.J There ayn't nobody 
goin' to tyke my reward from me. 

Jimmie. (Catches Old Sweetheart at door, 
bringing her to chair l. of table) Sit down. 

Old Sweetheart. I don't want to sit down. 

Jimmie. Sit down. 

Old Sweetheart. I won't sit down. (Sits.) 

Jimmie. You ayn't goin' to give 'im up, and you 
ayn't goin' to touch no reward. Make up your mind 
to that. 

Old Sweetheart. Hi never changes my mind. 
(Rises.) 

Jimmie, Sit down 



38 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Miss Woofers. (Enters from kitchen) Dinner's 
ready. 

Jimmie. Bill, go and call Spoofy. (Bill exits 

door r.) Lay the table, Peg (Miss Woofers 

exit kitchen. Jimmie crosses to r. of table; as he is 
doing so Old Sweetheart grumbles to herself, 
about to sit. Bill enters door r.) 

Bill. Jimmy, Spoofy's gone. 

Old Sweetheart. See, and her one's gone. 
(Rises, sneaks off, c. door R.J 

Jimmie. What do you mean? 

Bill. The window was open, he must have gone 
that way. 

Jimmie. Blyme 

Bill. We can't let him wander around loose. 
(Miss Woofers enters from kitchen with tray of 
dishes, etc.) 

Jimmie. It's up to us to find him. Come on, 
quick. (Jimmie and Bill go to c. door r. Get hats 
off rack.) 

Miss Woofers. Jimmie 

Jimmie. Hello. 

Miss Woofers. Where are you going ? 

Jimmie. To find Spoofy. 

Miss Woofers. What about the tripe ? 

Jimmie. Damn the tripe. (Exit Jimmie, Bill, 
c. door r.) 

CURTAIN 



ACT TWO 

Scene: Same as Act One. 

Time : The following morning. 

Discovered: Old Sweetheart seated on a chair 
near the open door leading into the hall. She is 
tired and sleepy and looks as if she had been 
sitting there all night. Bill is standing near the 
window, the panes of which are thick with fog. 
Jimmie is at breakfast table, finishing break- 
fast. The other two have either eaten or don't 
care to eat. . . . Jimmie's coat on back of chair 
head of table. 

Jimmie. (Stuffing himself — to Bill. ) Fog lift- 
in'? 

Bill. (At ivindow) No. 

Jimmie. Gives me the shivers ! 

Bill. We should have known better than to leave 
him in that room alone. 

Jimmie. Who the 'ell would expect 'im to jump 
out of the window? 

Old Sweetheart. Oh, 'e was a nut! But, 'er, 
going out with the china-bowl and not comin' back ! 

Jimmie. I'm thinking of Spoofy, poor old chap! 

Old Sweetheart. An' I'm thinkin' of the news- 
pyper, wot she took an' 'asn't brought back. 

Jimmie. Maybe they've got 'im in a hospital and 
are cutting 'im up. (Bus. with knife.) 

Old Sweetheart. Maybe she fell off the em- 
bankment — and the neivspyper's drowned. 

39 



46 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Bill. Oh, they'll both turn up all right — I hope. 

Old Sweetheart. j Oping don't get you nowhere. 

Jimmie. (Fork in air, mouth full of food) Well, 
it don't cost you nothin' to 'ope. 

Old Sweetheart. (Mournfully) A thousand 
pounds lost ! 

Jimmie. Oh! Forget it! 

Old Sweetheart. But I can't! 

Bill. Don't be cross with her. 

Old Sweetheart. Tyke example of 'im ! fMiss 
Woofers starts from upstairs.) 

Jimmie. 'Im? 'E'd be shaken 'ands with the 
'angman! (Enter Miss Woofers with the morning 
paper and tray, crosses to table upper r. end.) 

Miss Woofers. 'Ere, Jimmie, 'ere's the mornin' 
pyper. 

Jimmie. (Takes paper) Thanks! 

Miss Woofers. 'Ave you 'eard anything from 
'im? 

Bill. Not a word. 

Old Sweetheart. (Mournfully) It ayn't wot's 
'appened to 'im. It's wot's 'appened to 'er. 

Miss Woofers. (Crosses r. to Old Sweetheart^ 
Ma says that young lady, Miss Gordon, didn't come 
'ome all night. Ma was wytin' for the rent. 

Bill. (To PegJ Probably she didn't have the 
money. If anything has happened to her, your 
mother is to blame. 

Miss Woofers. (To Bill,) Ma says she would- 
n't wonder if it wasn't the first time she styde out 
all night. 

Old Sweetheart. It wouldn't 'ave been so bad 
if she 'adn't taken the newspyper. 

Jimmie. Yes ; that's what made it worse ! Fancy 
stying out all night, with a newspyper. (Drinks out 
of saucer.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 41 

Old Sweetheart. Your ma should be more 
careful ! Didn't she 'ave references when she came 
'ere? 

Miss Woofers. (Goes to front of table. Sepa- 
rates breakfast things) I'll take the breakfast things. 
(Puts white dishes on tray. Old Sweetheart goes 
to r. of table, picks up small cream pitcher.) That 
belongs to ma. (Takes cream pitcher from Old 
Sweetheart.^ 

Old Sweetheart. (Loftily) I ayn't tryin' to 
keep it. 

Miss Woofers. Ma's particular to get things 
back. (Crosses to c. door r.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Huffed) So I 'ave noticed. 
(Has white sugar bowl.) 

Miss Woofers. (To Old Sweetheart; So kind 
of you to 'elp. (Exit c. door r. Goes upstairs.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Loftily, still huffed by the 
imputation she zvished to appropriate the cream 
pitcher) Don't mention it. (Goes to door with 
sugar bowl, looking back to fezv things left on table.) 
Those belong in my kitchen. 

Bill. I'll attend to them. (Going to table.) 

("Old Sweetheart exits door leading into hall and 
upstairs, leaves door open. Bill starts for 
kitchen with dishes. Jimmie looks at paper, 
sings.) 

Jimmie. "He took her by the lily white 'and. 
He kissed her cheeks and chin ; He waited till the 
tide came in (Up) and gently pushed her in." 
(Gives exclamation.) Bill, I sye, Bill! 

Bill (At kitchen door') Eh? What is it? 
(Enters, bringing tray, closes door. Bill to back of 
table, puts dishes on tray during conversation.) 



42 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. (Indicating paper) Look at this. (T3ill 
mechanically looks over paper.) 

Bill. (Reading) "Kidnapping — Burglary — Rob- 
bery — Kensington Gardens " 

Jimmie. (Shaking head) It's very strange! 

Bill. What's strange? 

Jimmie. 'E disappears and look wot 'appens. 
(Tapping paper.) 

Bill. Oh, robberies happen every day. 

Jimmie. But, this ayn't no ordinary robbery! 
It's a big affair. / 'as a 'unch they ayn't nobody 
but Spoof y could pull off a job like this ! Tm with 
'is 'ead for crime ! 

Bill. (Uneasily) Nonsense ! 

Jimmie. Kensington Gardens? Wasn't it there 
'e wanted to turn into a 'ouse? 

Bill. I don't know. He wanted to turn into so 
many houses, I couldn't keep track of them. 

Jimmie. Wot else does it sye? 

Bill. (Reading) "A liberal reward will be 
offered." 

Old Sweetheart. (Outside by stairs) All right, 
Miss Woofers ! (Leaves door open.) 

Jimmie. "Reward" — 'ide it! (Hurriedly hides 
paper as Old Sweetheart enters c. door R., crosses 
to l. of table. Jimmie puts on coat, crosses r. Bill 
up to windozv.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Looking about) Anything 
in the morning pyper ? 

Jimmie. (Hastily shoving paper in pocket) Not 
a thing. 

Bill. No news. 

Old Sweetheart. Not like that other news- 
pyper ! I almost 'ad it on the tip of me tongue, the 
name of the man wot brought it ! 

Jimmie. (During following conversation Old 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 43 

Sweetheart and Jimmie clear the table of every- 
thing) You did? 

Old Sweetheart. Yes ; it began with a "B." 

Jimmie. (Hastily) Beans? That's it — Mr. 
Beans ! 

Old Sweetheart. It had two syllables. 

Jimmie. Baked beans ! 

Old Sweetheart. That wasn't it. (Removes 
table cloth.) 

Jimmie. Don't worry and don't think too 'ard — - 

Old Sweetheart. I'm too tired to think. (Exit 
Old Sweetheart in kitchen with breakfast things. 
Bill opens door for her, then closes it.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses, sits chair r., pause) Bill! It's 
up to us to see nothing 'appens to Spoofy. 

Bill. (Crosses to him) Of course! But the 
problem is to find him. 

Jimmie. (Hopefully) Mybe, 'e'll find us. 

Bill. Let me hope so. (Thoughtfully crosses to 
table, sits on R. side.) I have heard that those who 
suffer from shell-shock sometimes get back to nor- 
mal if they receive another shock. In that case, he 
might forget to hunt us up. 

Jimmie. Let us pray 'e styes barmy. 'E was so 
'appy without 'is brynes ! Why, it would break 'is 
heart to be shoved in jail. 

Bill. I'm still hoping he didn't do this. 

Jimmie. Oh! It's a safe bet. Look what a night 
it was for a crime — fog thick as pea-soup. Why, I 
can just see him now, jumpin' out the window, 
creeping along stealthily like, smiling as 'e picks out 
some place to rob. 

Bill. The crockery man said Miss Gordon hadn't 
been there. I wonder what could have happened to 
her. (Coming to front of table.) 

Jimmie. Oh! She could have been in a dozen 
places, 



44 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

(Old Sweetheart enters from kitchen, closes 

door.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Very happy, smiling) I 'as 
an idea. (Coming down l.) 

Jimmte. Then something's sure to 'appen. 

Old Sweetheart. I knows how to get back the 

pyper. 

Jimmie. How? (Bill up l. to back of table.) 

Old Sweetheart. We'll offer a reward for it. 

Jimmie. Another reward ! 

Old Sweetheart. (Crosses to r. — to Jimmie. ) 
I'll offer 'arf a crown for an old newspyper that 
only costs a penny. (Rose passes the open door 
tozvard stairs, sees Bill — starts upstairs. Old 
Sweetheart sees her.) 'Ere she is ! Miss Gordon ! 
(Rushes to door and seises Rose.) Now I don't 'ave 
to waste 'arf a crown for it. Come in — you must 
come in — I won't tyke "no" for an answer. {Leads 
her down r. Bill places chair for her from r. of 
table. He stays c.) My, you do look tired ! (Rose 
sits. Old Sweetheart on r. of Rose. Sharply.) 
Wot 'as become of hit? 

Rose. It? 

Old Sweetheart. The newspyper. 

Rose. Newspaper ? 

Old Sweetheart. The bit of china was wrapped 
in? 

Jimmie. Don't tell her, Miss. It's none of her 
business. 

Old Sweetheart. It was my pyper. Stolen 
hout of this 'ouse, and I demands to know wot's 
become of hit. 

Rose. If you mean the piece of paper the china 
bowl was wrapped in — I had bad luck with it. 

Bill. Bad luck? 

Rose. I slipped and broke the bowl. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 45 

Old Sweetheart. That was very bad luck. But 
it ayn't so much wot's 'appened to the bowl. Hit's 
wot's become of the newspyper. 

Rose. I left it with the pieces. 

fMiss Woofers starts from upstairs.) 

Old Sweetheart, Where was that? 
Rose. In front of the little tobacco shop this side 
of Twichenham Court Road. 

(Enter Miss Woofers — stays up back.) 

Old Sweetheart. Did you leave it on the pave- 
ment? 

Rose. I pushed the lot with my feet into the 
street. 

Old Sweetheart. Into the street? Oh, my 
'eart! ("Old Sweetheart staggers. Jimmie 
catches her.) 

Jimmie. It's gone. (Makes faces at her.) 

Rose. (Quietly studying her) Is anything the 
matter, Mrs. Gubbins? 

Old Sweetheart. (Wailing) Wot could have 
become of hit since ? 

Rose. Really — (Looks at Bill — looks away.) 

I'm afraid I can't tell you. Gone the way of all 
broken things, I suppose. 

Bill. (Low) I'm sorry. 

Rose. Are you? (Steals look at him.) Well, 
most of my little capital went into it. (She says this 
as if it didn't matter.) 

Miss Woofers. (Coming down, crosses to l. of 
RoseJ Then you didn't bring back the rent? 

Rose. (In a tired voice, head down) No. 

Old Sweetheart. I ayn't worryin' about that. 
You're sure you didn't bring back the newspyper ? 



46 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Rose. What use would it be to me? 

Miss Woofers. Ma said she'd like the room. 

Jtmmie. I sye! 

Miss Woofers. Under the circumstances, you've 
'avin' been hout all night. 

Rose. (Quietly) I believe I was out all night. 

Miss Woofers. Ma syes — (Virtuously.) — no 
young unmarried female 

Jimmie. (Rises) Wot the 'ell you mean! 

Miss Woofers. Oh, Jimmie! (Crosses to table 
l. quickly.) 

Rose. (Rises to. back of chair) She's quite right. 

A young unmarried female (Looks at Bill, 

who gazes away uneasily.) 

Miss Woofers. Ma — says — it's immortal — highly 
shocking — and it is! Ma says turn her out. Ma's 
right. After all, what does it matter? (Exits c. 
door r. Leaves door open.) 

Bill. '(Quickly* goes to door c. door r. ) Rose ! 
(Coming down.)' That gets rid of tiw of us! 

Old Sweetheart. Eh? 

Bill. If she goes, I go ! 

Old Sweetheart. *(In consternation) But you 
cawn't go! (Crosses to Bill. J 

Jimmie. (Challengingly) W'y not? 

Old Sweetheart. (To BillJ We gentlemen 
would cheat a porr widow hout of a thousand 
pounds reward. 

Bill. When Miss Gordon leaves this house, I go, 
too! 

Old Sweetheart. (Quickly) Then she shan't 
go! (Crosses to Miss Woofers who has entered. 
Bill goes r. to Jimmie .) After all, there might not 
be no 'arm styeing out all night. She might 'ave 
been engaged on some errand of mercy like 'ospital 
nursing ! You run along. I'll fix it with your maw, 
so she can stye! fMiss Woofers exits c. door r. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 47 

To Bill.J Mrs. Woofers will tyke my word for 
'er, knowin' I'd be that particular vouching for any- 
one. Besides, somebody worse might move in. 
(Exit c. door r. and upstairs. Leaves door open.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses l., places chair at table, sits on 
table front. Bill sits chair r.) You think a lot of 
that little girl, don't you? 

Bill. Yes, Jimmie. 

Jimmie. Tell me, Bill, what's the matter? 

Bill. Oh, I've been a fool. 

Jimmie. Bly'me, you'd have been lonesome if 
you hadn't. You want to marry her? 

Bill. I did. 

Jimmie. Why don't you ask her again? Lots 
more girls than men 'ere now. 

Bill. That wouldn't make any difference. 

Jimmie. All the difference in the world. Now 
the girls just jump at your 'ead. Bly'me, this is a 
'appy country. 'Ave you 'ad a bit of trouble with 
'er? 

Bill. What makes you think that? 

Jimmie. Where there's girls, there's generally 
trouble, especially when they runs around and stops 
out all night. 

Bill. Jimmie! (Rises quickly. Pause.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Bill. Bill goes to Jim) 
I'm sorry, Bill. I didn't mean to be funny. Why 
don't you two go awye together 

Bill. No, Jimmie. (Looks towards door leading 
into hall.) She's pretty nearly down and out — that's 
plain enough. Five hundred pounds would be a 
godsend to her, Jimmie. (Crosses to l.) We've 
got to make sure that reward doesn't get away from 
her. 

(Enter Old Sweetheart coming down r.) 



48 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Old Sweetheart. (To Bill J It's all right. I 
fixed it up so she can stye. 

Bill. Good ! I hope you can induce Miss Gor- 
don to stay. 

Old Sweetheart. Five 'undred pounds ought to 
be h'inducement enough. 

("Miss Woofers enters hall, from upstairs.) 

Bill. Don't you understand? She must never 
know where the money comes from. 

Jimmie. Leave it to 'er not to tell. 

Miss Woofers. (Excitedly; in the hall) 'E's 
coming! 'E's coming! 

Old Sweetheart. Who? The gentleman with 
the bowler 'at? (Goes to c. door R. and into hall.) 

Miss Woofers. No. Spoofy! (Comes in.) 

Jimmie. Spoofy! Good! (Goes up to c. door 
r. Bill follows.) 

Old Sweetheart, (Who has looked down the 
stairs.) My God, wot's 'e bringin' with 'im! (Comes 
back into room. They line up expectantly.) 

(Enter Spoofy, zvith aristocratic perambulator and 
baby in it. Balloons are fastened to the peram- 
bulator, with silly smile and vacuous expression, 
Spoofy wears a stunning shiny, high silk hat; 
pauses with perambulator down stage and sur- 
veys it with a rapt expression. Bill closes door 
c. d. r. All follow Spoofy down stage. Bill 
crosses to l. Jimmie on l. of Spoofy.) 

Spoofy. (Wiping perspiration off face.) I've 
got back. 

Old Sweetheart. (Peering into perambulator) 
Wot a beautiful baby ! (r. of baby carriage. Miss 
Woofers r. of Old Sweetheart.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 49 

Spoofy. (Proudly) Jolly little chap. Took to 
me right away. 

Jimmie. I should sye you took 'im! 

Spoofy. For a little airing! 

Jimmie. At what time? 

Spoofy. Midnight or thereabouts. 

Bill. Where'd you get it? 

Spoofy. Nursery. 

Bill. Whose — where ? 

Spoofy. I've forgotten. 

Bill. (Earnestly) Try to think. 

Spoofy. (Helplessly) Can't. I didn't steal it. 
(Eagerly.) 

Jimmie. No? 

Spoofy. He asked to be taken out ! 

Jimmie. (Making funny sound) In wot lang- 
widge ? 

Spoofy. He crowed. 

Jimmie. To be taken for an airing — at midnight? 

Spoofy. Yes. And he put out his little arms — 
so (Extends long arms with silly smile.) 

Jimmie. (Surveying him) Oh! (Crosses to l. 
and upstage.) 

Bill. (Crosses to Spoofy J This is serious busi- 
ness. Now, Spoofy, I want you to listen to me. 

Spoofy. (Plaintively) Are you going to be cross 
with me? 

Bill. (Sternly) How did you get into the house ? 
Where was the house ? 

Jimmie. What kind of a 'ouse was it? 

Spoofy. A big house ! (Brightening.) I remem- 
ber that, because the baby looked so small and lone- 
some in it. 

Bill. (Impatiently) You got in! How did you 
get out? 

Spoofy. Side entrance. Very quiet! (Fingers 
on lips.) Little chap seemed to know. 



50 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. 'Elpin' at 'is own kidnappin' ! 

Spoofy. (Confidently) I thought he'd make a 
nice little pal for Jimmie. (Jimmie, with gesture of 
disgust, turns away and upstage.) 

Bill. (To SpoofyJ Well, you got out. What 
did you do then? 

Spoofy. (Happy smile) We perambulated ! 

Bill. All night ? 

Spoofy. Oh, no. We camped out later — in the 
park. 

Jimmie. In the park? 

Spoofy. Yes ! Some Lung seemed to enjoy it ! 

Jimmie. Some Lung! (Crosses to baby, looks 
baby over.) What you got, a Chinese baby ? 

Spoofy. I call him Some Lung on account of his 
beautiful voice! 

Jimmie. (Ominously) I'm glad 'e 'ad a good 
time. 

Spoofy. Oh, the jolliest time! In the morning 
a great big woolly sheep came up. (Looks between 
Jimmie and Bill.J Some Lung wanted to play with 
him. I tried to bring it along. 

Jimmie. A sheep! 

Spoofy. Yes, but it butted ! So we bought a few 
other things. (Takes Jumping Jack out of carriage.) 
I tried to buy a monkey, but the man wouldn't sell 
that. 

Jimmie. (Shaking head) You don't need a mon- 
key. 

Bill. What were you going to buy it with? 

Spoofy. (Surprised; puts Jumping Jack back) 
Money. 

Jimmie. You had some money? 

Spoofy. Of course. I've got plenty of money. 
(Takes out English notes — wads of bills.) 

Miss Woofers. My Gawd! 'E's robbed the 
Bank of England ! 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 51 

Bill. (To Spoofy J Where did you take that 
money from? 

Spoofy. The safe. 

Jimmie. How? 

Spoofy. Just helped myself. 

Jimmie. Oh! Just like that — so simple. (Busi- 
ness.) 

Bill. You opened the safe? 

Spoofy. Naturally. 

Jimmie. I should sye, unnaturally. 

Bill. Is that money all you took from the safe? 

Spoofy. (Smiling) Oh, no. I shoves a few 
knick-knacks into my pocket. (Takes jewels out of 
right hand pocket and gives them to Old Sweet- 

HEART.J 

Old Sweetheart. (Taking jewels) Ayn't they 
beautiful ! 

Spoofy. Here's some more! (Takes diamond 
broach from his left hand pocket and gives it to Old 
Sweetheart.J 

Old Sweetheart. (Takes jewels from Spoofy j 
I wonder wot 'e'd bring back if — 'e went out again? 
(Putting jewels in her apron pocket; to PegJ I 'as 
always dreamed of wearing diamonds! 

Bill. This is serious business. 

Jimmie. (To Old Sweetheart^ Mother! Give 
them back to him. 

Old Sweetheart. (Tossing her head) Ther 
verry idea ! 

Spoofy. (Intervening with yawn) Let her have 
them! 

Jimmie. (Disgusted) What do you think of 
that? 

Spoofy. I'm getting tired. Feel sleepy. Believe 
I could do with a nap. 

Bill. Yes, you've earned a rest. 

Spoofy. Where's that bed? 



52 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Old Sweetheart. Right this wye. It tyn't a 

verry comfortable bed fMiss. Woofers up r. 

Points Spoofy to door r. Exit Spoofy.J 

Jimmie. Maybe more comfortable than the one 
he's likely to get. 

Old Sweetheart. (Crossing to door R.j If he 
'as any more jewels in 'is pockets, I think 'e'll sleep 
much better without them. (Exits door r.) 

Miss Woofers. (Goes to the baby carriage) Real 
lace! 

Jimmie. Peggy, you come awye ! (Takes her up 
a little.) This ayn't no place for you. Run along 
upstairs and if anybody arsks you any questions, 
you don't know nothing. Understand? Be careful 
what you sye. There's going to be some trouble 
down here, and they ayn't no use of you gettin' into 
it. 

Miss Woofers. But I don't want to run upstairs. 
Hit's so nice and hexcitin' down here. 

Jimmie. (Crosses to BillJ Ayn't that just like 
a woman? (Disgusted.) If there's anything going 
on she wants to poke 'er nose in it. (Crosses to 
Miss Woofers.^ Will you do as you're told? Go 
on upstairs and keep your big mouth shut. 

Miss Woofers. Oh, all right! (Exit c. door r. 
and upstairs. Jimmie closes door, comes down c. 
to baby carriage.) 

Bill. (Crosses to Jimmie,) Perhaps he'll remem- 
ber more when he wakes up. 

Jimmie. I 'as my doubts. 

Bill. I think we know pretty well where he got 
them, anyhow. 

Jimmie. Didn't I sye so? 

Bill. Yes, you called the turn. I wonder how 
he escaped the police? 

Jimmie. Oh! Just crazy man's luck! Besides, 
look how thick the fog was. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 53 

(Enter Old Sweetheart door r. Closes door.) 

Old Sweetheart. Look wot I found in 'is boots ! 
(Displays string of pearls. Jimmie groans.) 

Jimmie. 'E gave you that, too? 

Old Sweetheart. 'E's the most kind-'earted 
gentleman I ever met. (Puts string of pearls around 
neck.) 

Bill. He'd give anything away. (Goes up l. to 
head of table.) 

Old Sweetheart. Now I've got 'im sleeping so 
peacefully, I'll 'ave a look at the little dear. (Crosses 
to perambulator.) 

Jimmie. (Sits on table, bitterly) "Little dear"— 
'E ayn't even worryin' ! 

Bill. (Gravely) There are those that are! 

Old Sweetheart. (To baby, frivolously) Goo- 
goo! 

Jimmie. Aw! Shut up! 

Old Sweetheart. Don't you love bybies, Jim- 
mie? 

Jimmie. No. 

Old Sweetheart. You was such a sweet baby 
yourself. Give me a nice fat baby and a bottle of 
gin, and I'm 'appy ! (Looks at baby.) 'Ow I shall 
love it ! (Takes baby out of carriage.) 

Jimmie. She talks as if she was goin' to keep 

it too. 

Old Sweetheart. (Tranquilly) Why not? 

Jimmie. Wot about the real mother? 

Old Sweetheart. (Calmly) Oh! She can get 
'erself some more ! Goo-goo ! Goo-goo ! (Bus. with 
baby. Old Sweetheart looks around startled, then 
quickly exits down l. with baby. Bill laughs l.c. 
Jimmie takes carriage off stage, re-enter Jimmie, 
closes door h.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Bill,) This is no laughing 



54 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

matter. You know you get a lifer under the English 
law for kidnappin'. 

Bill. Oh, he didn't know what he was doing ! 

Jimmie. But we ayn't cryzy. We can't make 
that excuse. 

Bill. What did we have to do with it? 

Jimmie. And we're 'arborin' the kid and the 
jewels. If they found them 'ere, remember, we'll 
all go h'up. 

Bill. That's right. 

Jimmie. (Crosses l. a little beyond table, looking 
toward door L.J And another thing. There's an- 
other worrying 'erself to death over that kid — and 
that mother ain't goin' to worry a moment longer if 
I can 'elp it. (Crosses to r. Sits on table.) 

Bill. (Crosses to JimmieJ Yes, we've got to get 
it back. Fortunately we have the address. Ken- 
sington Gardens. What's the matter? 

Jimmie. (Looks at paper) 413. 

Bill. Well, I'll take it back. (Starts to door l.) 

Jimmie. (Stops him) No ; that's my job. 

Bill. You'd risk being nabbed. 

Jimmie. To 'ell with the risk! 

Bill. It won't do. I owe that much to poor old 
Spoofy. Besides if I get pinched it won't so much 
matter. I'm wanted anyway. 

Jimmie. I'll tyke the baby; leave hit at the side 
door, ring the bell, and scoot like 'ell ! If I'm lucky. 
I'll get awye in the fog! If I'm took, I tells a 
straight yarn, and throws myself on the mercy of 
the court. Meanwhile you maykes your get-awye! 
H'out of the country. 

Bill. No, Jimmie, you're clean and I might as 
well be sent up for this as what I did on the other 
side. 

Jimmie. No, Bill, you can't take a chance of be- 
ing nabbed. It ayn't so much for me or yourself or 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 55 

Spoof y — there's somebody else you've got to think 
of! That poor little girl upstairs, wot's going to 
become of her ? 

Bill. (Sadly) Yes — what is going to become of 
her? (Crosses to r. a little.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses to BillJ Inside of jail you 
couldn't 'elp 'er, but outside, you've both got a 
chance, it's up to you. 

Bill. (Moved) But — Jim 

Jimmie. There's no but about hit. I'm going to 
tyke care of this kid — (Indicating door L.) — you 
tyke care of the other one. ( Goes to c. door r. Calls) 
Miss Gordon. (T>ill goes to R.) 

Rose. (Upstairs) Yes. 

Jimmie. Come down here a minute, will you? 
(Goes down stage to front of table. Rose enters, 
goes to Jimmie. After closing door, Jimmie to 
Rose J I got something to arsk you and I wants a 
straight h'answer. Wot did you do with that pyper ? 

Rose. Why, I — told — you. 

Jimmie. Never mind wot you told them. Hi's 
arsking you to tell me the truth. 

Bill. (Crosses to l. To Rose and Jim J Now, 
Jimmie, why do you persist 

Jimmie. (To Bill J Because I ayn't goin' to see 
you be given up for no reward. (To Rose.J You've 
read it — 'aven't you? 

Rose. (Pause) Yes. 

Jimmie. I thought so. Then you know there's a 
thousand pounds reward out for him, and 'e wanted 
to give 'imself up so you could get 'arf of it. 

Rose. (To JimmieJ Do you think I'd touch any 
of that reward? 

Jimmie. I know you wouldn't and I told him so. 
'E wanted to get hit to you without you knowin' it. 

Rose. (To BillJ Do you think so little of me ? 



$6 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. Oh, 'e meant well. Now where is that 
pyper ? ("Rose takes paper from her pocket.) 

Bill. Then you had it all the time? (Rose nods 
her head "Yes.") 

Jimmie. Wot are you goin' to do with it? (Rose 
tears the paper; Bill tries to stop her; Jimmie stops 
Bill. Indicates torn paper.) May I 'ave them? 
(Rose gives them to Jimmie. Bill goes up r.) 
Whatever 'e's done on the other side, 'e more than 
made up for — out there. If you two went awye 
together — well, it might be the best for everybody. 
(Crosses to l.) 

Rose. (Goes to Jimmie, touches shoulder) It 
must be wonderful to have a friend like you ! 

Jimmie. It's up to you. Miss, to keep 'im out of 
trouble. Will you? (Exits l. door. Closes door. 
Rose crosses slozvly to door l., thinking, turns look- 
ing for Bill, sees him.) 

Rose. Bill, who's offering this reward? 

Bill. (Goes to l. table) It's an insurance com- 
pany in America. 

Rose. Why an insurance company? 

Bill. They insured some bonds against theft. 
They paid the loss — about $6o,ooo. They'll never 
let up till they get me. 

Rose. I just can't believe that you would 

(Crosses to table L. f sits.) 

Bill. Steal ? 

Rose. No; you couldn't. (Rose sits l. of table.) 

Bill. A fellow will do a lot of things when he's 
hard pressed. I'd gotten into an awful mess at 
school, gambling, debts, I.O.U.'s — I went to Dad's 
office to make a clean breast of it. He wasn't in; 
there was some bonds on his desk. I just had to 
have money so I took them ; that night I got drunk. 
When I woke up, I realized what I'd done. I de- 
termined to return the bonds, but I couldn't — they 




OS 

<» 

e 

<» 
<» 



m 

Eh 
02 

O 

a 
o 






THREE LIVE GHOSTS 57 

were gone. Then I saw dad. I told him they were 
gone. He wouldn't believe me. He was furious. 
He called on the insurance company for the money 
for the bonds and told me to face the music. Well, 
they got out the warrant and I got out of the coun- 
try, snipped on board a cattle boat for England, and 
enlisted — then I managed to get myself gassed, but 
just my luck they brought me around and carted me 
to a German prison camp. Then I escaped and came 
back here. That's all. (Crosses back to table to 
chair at fireplace.) 

Rose. (Rises) Why didn't you tell me this be- 
fore? 

Bill. (Goes to Rose J I never expected to come 
back, and I wanted you to think of me — well, as a 
fellow wants the girl he loves to think of him. 

Rose. I told you I'd wait for you. 

Bill. Will you still take a chance ? I don't ask 
you to marry the boy that made a fool of himself 
on the other side — that boy's dead. 

Rose. Billy, I know he is. 

Bill. Will you go away with me ? 

Rose. Yes ; far away — and you'll start all new, 
and I'll be there to help. (They embrace. Kiss. 
Tzuo loud knocks on the door c. d. r.) Who is it? 

Briggs. (Off stage) An officer of the law. 

fRosE looks at Bill. Bill stands regarding her.) 

Rose. ( Gets Bill off door l., closes door) Come 
in ! (She stands by door. Enter Detective Briggs 
c. door r v closes door.) 

Briggs. (At door) Are you Mrs. Gubbins? 

Rose. No. 

Briggs. Where is she? 

Rose. She's gone out. 

Briggs. How soon will she return? 

Rose. I don't know. 



58 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Briggs. I'll wait for her. (Looks about the 
room — coming down a little R .) 

Rose. I'm sorry, but you can't wait here. 

Briggs. Why not? 

Rose. I'm expecting somebody. Some one on 
very important business. 

Briggs. May I ask who you are? 

Rose. I live here. 

Briggs. I'm from Scotland Yard. I'm looking 
for an American named Foster, also known as Will- 
iam Jones. The landlady told me I might find him 
up here. Have you seen him? 

Rose. No. 

Briggs. You are certain? 

Rose. Yes. 

Briggs. Would you know him if you saw him? 

Rose. Why? 

Briggs. That's neither here nor there. The point 
is, I'm looking for him and if you have any infor- 
mation as to his whereabouts, it may save you 
trouble if you give it to me now. 

Rose. (Crossing to r. a little) I have no infor- 
mation to give. 

Briggs. (Hangs hat on rack, crossing r.J Very 
good. In that case, I'll stay here and keep you com- 
pany for a bit. 

Rose. (Crossing to r. on front of table) But I 
tell you, you can't stay here. 

Briggs. (Crossing to chair. Moves it into posi- 
tion) I heard you the first time. (Sits in chair r.) 

Rose. You have no right to intrude here. (Cross- 
ing to Briggs — goes to c.d.) Please go. (Opens 
door to shut him out. Benson crosses door in the 
hall. Rose sees him.) Oh ! I see you've brought a 
friend with you. 

Briggs. (Pause) I suppose you've no objections 
to my looking about a bit. (Rises, starts to d.r.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 59 

Rose. (Quickly coming down r.) You will have 
to see Mrs. Gubbins about that. 

Briggs. (Crosses to l.) And you don't know 
when she'll be back? 

Rose. (Crossing l. to BriggsJ I don't. And 
I wouldn't be at liberty to show you around. 

Briggs. My dear young woman, you won't have 
to show me. (Starts tozvard l. . As he does so, Old 
Sweetheart enters d.l. Closes door. She's wear- 
ing all jewels taken from Spoofy and cloak or shawl 
over them. Crosses to BriggsJ Mrs. Gubbins? 

Old Sweetheart. I beg pardon 

Briggs. Are you Mrs. Gubbins? 

Old Sweetheart. Yes. 

Briggs. (To Rose J I thought you said she was 
out? 

Rose. (Confused) I thought she had gone. She 
is just going, you see. 

Briggs. (As if not quite satisfied) I called, Mrs. 
Gubbins, to ask you about an American. (Old 
Sweetheart involuntarily stiffens.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Cautiously) An American? 

Briggs. He enlisted under the name of Jones. 

Old Sweetheart. Verry common nyme! 

Briggs. True! But do you happen to know 
him? 

Old Sweetheart. 'Ow should I? (Cautiously) 
Why do you want to know? 

Briggs. I'm from Scotland Yard ! 

Old Sweetheart.. (Gazes at him with strong 
disfavor) Oh ! From Scotland Yard ! Well, I got 
to go out. (Starts up stage.) 

Briggs. (Steps up) The landlady told me 

Rose. (Anxiously intervening) I have already 
told the gentleman, the American isn't here. (To 
Old Sweetheart.J 

Old Sweetheart. And quite right ! There ayn't 



6o THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

no one here, with a reward on y im for Scotland 
Yard! 

Briggs. (Looking at her) Who said anything 
about a reward? I'll take a look about! (Starts 

Old Sweetheart. Not in my 'ouse. (Rose 
shows she approves of this stand.) An English- 
man's 'ome is 'is castle ! 

Briggs. (With a smile) Quite true ! Of course, 
if you object? 

Old Sweetheart. I does ! I stands up for my 
rights ! 

Rose. (Quickly) Quite right, Mrs. Gubbins. 
(Briggs gives her an angry glance.) 

Old Sweetheart. 'As you a search warrant? 

Briggs. (Sourly) I have not. 

Old Sweetheart. Then that settles it. There's 
your wye out ! (Points to the door c.d.r. ) 

Briggs. Oh, very well. I suppose you're within 
your rights. (Turning up, starts to go.) 

Old Sweetheart. I'm very particular wot com- 
pany I receive ! (Assumes majestic attitude, in do- 
ing which shazvl comes open and reveals jewels with 
which she is bedecked.) 

Briggs. (Staring at jewels, coming toward her) 
What are these ? 

Old Sweetheart. (Loftily) Family heirlooms ! 
(Rose, too, regards her with surprise.) 

Briggs. (Hesitating) Cheap imitations, I sup- 
pose? 

Old Sweetheart. (Indignantly) Who syes 
they're himitations? 

Briggs. Aren't they? 

Old Sweetheart. (Same tone) Himitations ! 
I should sye not ! Indeed ! 

Rose. (Trying to save the situation) Of course 
they're imitations. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 61 

Old Sweetheart. (Indignantly) There's them 
wot wears himitations — and them wot wears real — 

Briggs. (Taking closer look at diamonds) Real 

—oh ? Sunburst — set with diamonds ^ (Takes 

poper from pocket and looks at it, comparing what 
he reads with the jewels worn by Old Sweetheart^ 

Pearl neck Here, here ! (Significantly) Where'd 

you get them ? The truth now ! (Sternly.) 

Old Sweetheart. They were given me by a 
verry kind gentleman. 

Briggs. When did the kind gentleman give them 

to you? 

Old Sweetheart. Only to-dye. 

Briggs. You'd better take them off! 

Old Sweetheart. (Expostulating) Tyke them 

off! 

Briggs. You're going with me ! 

Old Sweetheart. Wot for? 

Briggs. Oh, you don't know ? Where's the baby ? 

Old, Sweetheart. (Hiding bottle in dress) 
Byby? I don't know what you're talking about. 

Briggs. How about the bottle? 

Old Sweetheart. (Showing baby's milk bottle) 
That? Oh, that was for gin. 

(Baby cries off stage. Jimmie ad libs to baby off 
stage. Briggs takes pistol from his pocket. 
Old Sweetheart to l. of table. Enter Jim- 
mie. Benson enters c.d.r. Crosses to table.) 

Briggs. Throw up your hands. 

Jimmie. Who are you? 

Briggs. Scotland Yard! Benson! (Benson 
crosses to Jimmie, searches him, then upstage. To 
Jimmie) I've got you covered. I'm taking no 
chances. You had your nerve to pull off a job like 
this! 



62 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. I didn't pull off no job, Governor. 

Briggs. Of course not! Those jewels — you're 
not the kind old gentleman that brought them here ? 
And the baby? I suppose somebody left it on the 
doorstep and you took it in out of charity. 

Old Sweetheart. That's right! (Coming 
down.) 

Briggs. Keep quiet. (Old Sweetheart gets 
back.) You didn't expect Scotland Yard to drop in 
so soon, and, to tell the truth, I didn't expect to 
fall into anything so gorgeous as this. Now who 
else is implicated in this affair? (Looks at Rose. 
Calls) Benson! Look in there. (Indicates door 

L.j 

Benson. (Crosses to door l. Brings Bill out ) 
Come out here ! 

(Enter Bill. Benson frisks him, then upstage.) 

Briggs. (To Bill J Foster! Foster! (Looks 
at Rose. Rose crosses to R.J Looks like my lucky 
day. Benson, the police van! 

Benson. Yes, sir. (Exits c.d.r. Leaves door 
open.) 

Briggs. I certainly am glad to see you ! (Crosses 
to Foster. Old Sweetheart crosses to Rose, 
starts talking to her, ad lib. Stops in front of chair 
rJ Shut up! (Old Sweetheart jumps.) Now 
listen, all of you! I know you're a bad lot. And 
I'm not going to take any chances. If anyone makes 
a move, I'm going to shoot first and inquire after- 
wards. (To Old Sweetheart,) Sit down! (She 
does so.) Take them off. (Old Sweetheart takes 
off her hat; has diamond tiara underneath. Briggs 
startled.) 

Old Sweetheart. Tyke 'em off ? 

Briggs. Take 'em off! (To Rose J Over there, 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 63 

you! (Indicating chair r. of table. Rose does so. 
Takes small table by r. door and places it in front 
of Old Sweetheart) Put them there. Hurry up ! 
Hurry up! (Old Sweetheart places them on 
table one by one. To Jimmie, crossing to l.) You 
sit there. (Indicating chair l. of table. Jimmie 
sits. To Bill J You there. (Indicating chair l. 
Bill sits. Turns to Old Sweetheart) All of 
them. (Old Sweetheart places tiara on table. To 
Old Sweetheart J Get over there. (Old Sweet- 
heart crosses to l., sits in chair L. of table occupied 
by Jimmie. He stands back of chair and turns to 
others) Now, while we're waiting for the van, I'd 
like a little information. (Enter Spoofy l. furtively. 
Briggs docs not see him as he is facing the other. 
Spoofy picks up jewels, puts them into his pocket 
and exits quietly ond unseen up c.d.r.J Who put 
up this job? Who put up this job? Those jewels — 
(Turns toward jewels — sees they are gone. He is 
astonished. Stands and stares at the empty table.) 

CURTAIN 



ACT THREE 

Scene: Same. 

Time : Fifteen minutes later. 

Discovered : Curtain rises on empty stage. Briggs 

enters from kitchen, examining rooms. Bus. 

with table, places it back by door r. 

(Benson enters cd.r.) 

Benson. (Coining down) Can't find anybody 
who's seen anyone enter or leave the house ! 

Briggs. Damn funny ! Where were you ? 

Benson. I was telephoning for the van. 

Briggs. She put them down right here. (Points 
to table where he placed the jewels.) Disappeared 
right under my nose ! How did it happen ? (Cross- 
ing to L.) 

Benson. I can't explain it. 

Briggs. I'm going to find out if I have to choke 
it out of them. 

Benson. Yes, sir. 

Briggs. I can't put the handcuffs on these people 
and take them down to Scotland Yard and confess 
that I lost these jewels, after I found them. 

Benson. No, sir 

Briggs. I'm going to bluff it out of them. I'll 
do this on my own. Say nothing about this down 
at the Yard. Keep the house surrounded and let 
me know as soon as the police van comes. 

6 4 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 65 

Benson. Yes, sir. (Crosses to c.d.rJ Good 
luck. (Exits c.d.r. — closes door.) 

Briggs. Good luck ! (Goes to door l.) Step in 
here, please. (Goes back to right of table. Enter 
Bill and Rose, followed by policeman. To Rose,) 
Sit down there. (Rose sits l. of table. To Billy ) 
You there! (Points to chair l. Bill sits.) Now 
listen ! Kidnapping isn't a popular crime over here. 
It's more a continental pastime, where you have 
plenty of room. This island's too small for that 
sort of thing. 

Bill. You accuse us of kidnapping? 

Briggs. (To Bill J It was a pretty slick job. 

Bill. I don't know anything about it! 

Briggs. (To Rose) Nor you, either ? 

Rose. No. 

Briggs. I suppose not! (Turning on her rough- 
ly) Where were you last night? I have it from 
your landlady you weren't in your room all night. 

Bill. (Quickly) You don't have to answer that. 
You can wait until your lawyer advises you. 

Briggs. You know a lot for a kid, don't you? 
(To Rose ) You don't have to answer, But it will 
.be better for you in the end if you do. 

Bill. You haven't anything on her. 

Briggs. Haven't, eh ? She tried to steer me from 
this crib. 

Bill. That was on my account. It was I got 
her into this ! Why, man, there isn't a crooked hair 
on her head. She's on the level. 

Briggs. Then let her answer my question. 

Bill. Refuse to answer, Rose. 

Rose. (Quietly) Why should I? I'm not 
afraid. 

Briggs. You acknowledge you weren't in your 
room all night? 

Rose. I do. 



66 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Briggs. Where were you? — I want all your 
movements. 

Rose. I went out to sell a china bowl. 

Briggs. Stolen property? 

Bill. (Rising ) See here — you treat her with 
respect. 

Briggs. (To Bill,) Sit down. (To Rose) So 
you went out to sell a china bowl? 

Rose. One I had painted. 

Briggs. Well, did you sell it? 

Rose. I didn't. It fell and broke. 

Briggs. And after you broke it, what did you 
do? Keep an appointment with him somewhere? 
(Indicating Bill.j 

Bill. No! (Nasty tone.) 

Briggs. (To Bill) Any more sounds like that 
from you, and out you go! I'm trying to be nice 
to you kids. 

Rose. I had an appointment with him. 

Briggs. (To RoseJ What? "^ou didn't meet 
him anywhere last night? (Indicates Bill J Near 
Kensington Gardens, perhaps? 

Rose. I did not. 

Briggs. You were not in the neighborhood of 
Kensington Gardens, then, last night? 

Rose. (Unexpectedly) I was. (Bill shows 
great surprise.) 

Briggs. Near the house that was entered? 

Rose. Yes. 

Briggs. At what time was this ? 

Rose. (Pause) I don't know the time; but I 
was there when it happened.. 

Bill. (In consternation) Rose — you don't know 
what you are saying ! 

Briggs. Keep still ! (To Rose,) What were you 
doing there? 

Rose. I followed someone there. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 67 

Briggs. Followed ? 

Rose. Yes — you see, he was suffering from shell- 
shock. 

Briggs. You followed a man suffering from 
shell-shock? How did you come to follow him? 

Rose. I met him in the fog. I remembered hav- 
ing seen him before. He almost got run over. I 
saw he wasn't himself. I was sorry. You see, I 
helped at nursing during the war and I knew some- 
thing was wrong. Besides, I was restless myself. 

Briggs. (Incredulously) Go on! 

Rose. We walked and walked. And then he just 
seemed to disappear in the fog. I couldn't imagine 
what had become of him. I waited. Then lights 
began to flash in the house. The police came and 
then I left. 

Briggs. You didn't wait to tip off the danger- 
signals ? 

Rose. (Wearily) You don't seem to understand. 

Briggs. No, I don't. Well, what did you do 
then? 

Rose. I hardly know. Just kept on going, I 
guess. I found myself in the neighborhood of a 
friend of mine. A girl I had known for some 
time. 

Briggs. Yes 



Rose. I went to her room. I was tired — my 
clothes were soaked. Oh, you believe me, don't you ? 

Briggs. Yes I do! (Rose bows her head on 
table. Shaking head) So you're trying to frame 
up some mysterious stranger! With shell-shock! 
Who is he? 

Rose. I — I (Suddenly) You have no right 

to question me. I haven't done anything. 

Bill. (Excitedly, rising) It's outrageous! I 
won't stand for it! 

Briggs. (Calmly) Oh, you won't stand for it, 



68 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

eh? You better come across with what you know, 
if you know what's good for you. 

Bill. (Crossing to Rose; I don't know anything 
about this affair. (Officer moves a little nearer to 
BillJ 

Briggs. (To RoseJ How long have you two 
been living together? 

Rose. How dare you 

Bill. You wouldn't dare ask that if you didn't 
have a gun in your pocket. 

Briggs. (To Bill; Are you threatening me? 

Bill. She's been telling you the truth and you 
haven't sense enough to see it. (To Rose) Rose, 
don't answer any more of his questions. He'll only 
twist and turn everything you say so as to make it 
look bad for you. 

Briggs. (To Rose; How do you come to be 
living in this house? 

Rose. I came here hoping possibly he might come 
here too. I promised to wait for him when he 
went away, as a soldier. (Briggs looks out front.) 
I thought of him every day — and I'm not ashamed 
to say it — I love him. (Turns to Bill.; 

Bill. Rose ! (Puts arm around her.) 

Rose. (To Bill; They may take you away — 
and we may be separated. But I want you to know 
that I'll wait again, no matter how long. (Bill em- 
braces her and kisses her.) 

Briggs. (Turns) Here, here! Where do you 
think you are? This is a criminal investigation! 
(To Policeman) Officer, take him away ! (Police- 
man exits with Bill down l. Rose starts to fol- 
low.) No, I want you. (Briggs motions to chair 
l. of table.) Now see here, young woman, you look 
to me as if you had sense ; but you aren't acting 
that way. (Sits at table.) Shielding a criminal 
doesn't pay. Take my advice and break away from 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 69 

crooks. Tell what you know and you'll find me 
your friend. 

Rose. (Quietly) Thank you. 

Briggs. If you're afraid to talk on account of 
him, you can rely upon Scotland Yard to protect 

you. 

Rose. I have nothing- to say. 

Briggs. You prefer sharing his fate? Going to 
jail? (Coming down a little.) 

Rose. If I have to. (Goes tozvard Briggs.J 

Briggs. But you don't!— -Why stick to a crook? 

Rose. He isn't — that! 

Briggs. (Savagely) I've known girls like you 
stand by their lovers before, and what did they get 
for it? When ttteir crook friends get out of jail — 
sugar-plums? (Ironically) No, black eyes and 
curses ! That's what the crook's girl comes to. 

Rose. He is not concerned in this crime. But — 
(Looking at Briggs fully) — if he were, I wouldn't 

tell you. 

Briggs. I think I've had enough of your com- 
pany for now. (Crosses to d.l.J In here, please. 
(Exit Rose d.l. Briggs closes door. Looks around 
puzzled. Looks under table. Wanders over to 
c.d.r. Sees motto over door, "Peace, Perfect Peace" 
Crosses to d.r. Opens it.) Come in here — you ! 

(Old Sweetheart enters, crossing to front of chair 
r. She is followed by policeman. Briggs 
crosses to h.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Starts talking outside) An 
houtrage, that's wot I calls hit! Prisoner in my 
own 'ouse ! I demand 'is instant removal ! (Points 
to Policeman) He may be useful, but 'e ain't orni- 
mental. 

Briggs. Sit down ! You don't seem to realize 



70 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

the serious position you are in. (Old Sweetheart 
sits, when told, chair R.J 

Old Sweetheart. Oh, don't I? H'all the time 
I 'as been arsking myself, is this Rooshia, or merry 
H'England? 

Briggs. I don't think it's going to be very merry 
for you, unless you answer my questions. 

Old Sweetheart. I 'asn't any objections to 
answering questions, I 'as nothink to conceal. 

Briggs. First tell me what you know about the 
jewels disappearing. 

Old Sweetheart. Wot I know! I like that! 
Didn't you tyke them from me? (Indignantly.) Me 
— wot 'ad a perfect right to 'em! And then you 
arsk me wot's become of them ? Maybe I might 'ave 
a theory. I 'as 'eard Scotland Yard 'as a way of 
its own — and that harticles found by Scotland Yard 
are frequently lost by them. And where they're 

gone to (Looking at Briggs .J It ain't for me 

to sye! 

Briggs. (Angrily) Now look here, perhaps a 
little inducement will make you a less unwilling wit- 
ness. 

Old Sweetheart. (Tentatively) I ham always 
willin' to listen to a little h'inducements. 

Briggs. Very good ! I am going to give you a 
chance to turn witness for the crown. 

Old Sweetheart. (Reflecting) Witness for 
the crown! That sounds like an honor. 

Briggs. It will go a great deal easier if you tell 
the truth. 

Old Sweetheart. You mean the crown rewards 
me? (Smiles.) 

Briggs. Yes; you will probably get a lighter 
sentence. 

Old Sweetheart. (Breaks smile. Indignant- 
ly) You calls that a reward! It's haction I'll be 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS Ji 

bringing against Scotland Yard— for taking the 
jewels and then losing them. 

Briggs. Now listen— I've had enough nonsense 
from you. Where did you get the jewels? 

Old Sweetheart. They were given me by a very 
kind gentleman. 

Briggs. A kind gentleman? Who is he? 

Old Sweetheart. An old admirer! (Smirks.) 

Briggs. What's his name? 

Old Sweetheart. 'Enry Tggins. Wot used to 
keep company with me, and disappeared and then 
came back the owner of diamond mines! "Tyke 
'em," says 'e, "for auld lang syne. Tyke 'em from a 
'eart full of remorse, for 'avin' ran off and deserted 
you. Tyke 'em," says 'e, "and be 'appy." (Briggs 
gives her hard look, crosses to l .) 

Briggs. (Movement to r.) Where is he now? 

Old Sweetheart. Went awye agyne ! 

Briggs. To get more diamonds? 

Old Sweetheart. I 'ope so. 

Briggs. (Looking at her) Oh, you do ! 

Old Sweetheart. (Cautiously) Of course, 'e 
might 'ave stolen them, and me a perfectly hinnocent 

party. 

Briggs. (Angrily) The jewels were here — and 
you know what become of them. 

Old Sweetheart. (Suddenly) I 'as hit ! Maybe 
the spirits took 'em. 

Briggs. Spirits? 

Old Sweetheart. 'Ouse full of them! Some- 
times I 'ears raps. (Briggs snorts.) And taps. 
An' I 'ave 'eard footsteps. Come to think of hit it 
ain't the first time things 'as disappeared. 

Briggs. (Angrily) Yes; and I think I can put 
my hand on the one that helped them disappear. 
(To Policeman.) Bring in that cockney. (Police- 
man exits door r. Brings in Jimmie. Briggs mo- 



5?2 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

tions to chair l. of table. Policeman follows Jim- 
mie across stage. Policeman stands back of chair.) 
Put him there! (Jimmie Bus. of pulling up legs 
of trousers; he is smoking a cigarette. Briggs to 
Jimmie.,) What's your name? ("Jimmie looks at 
Old Sweetheart and hesitates.) 

Old Sweetheart. (Rises, desperately) 'Is 
name ? Tggins ! (Sits.) 

Briggs. That owned the diamond mines? 

Old Sweetheart. (Confused) Yes. ("Jimmie 
crosses legs extravagantly ; very proud.) 

Briggs. Rather young for an old admirer of 
yours. 

Old Sweetheart. (Quickly) Oh, this is 'is 
son! 

Briggs. Hm ! His son ! No relation of yours ? 

Old Sweetheart. Honly by adoption! Left 
with me by 'Enry Tggins! "Tyke 'im," syes 'e. 
"My dearest treasure and bring 'im hup as your 
own," which I 'as done, heducatin' 'im to be a credit 
to 'is king and country. 

Briggs. He'll be a credit to his country all right — 
behind the bars. 

Jimmie. You can't arrest me. 

Briggs. Can't eh? Why not? 

Jimmie. I'm dead. 

Briggs. (Looks at him) You're what? 

Jimmie. I'm dead. I died more'n a year ago. 

Briggs. Then why in hell didn't you stay dead ? 

Jimmie. I did stay dead ! I ain't alive right now. 

Briggs. Perhaps you'll say I'm dead, too. 

Old Sweetheart. Never can tell! 

Briggs. (To Old Sweetheart,) Trying to be 
funny, eh ? 

Jimmie. I'm telling you the truth. I'm a ghost. 

Old Sweetheart. It was the government what 
made a ghost out o' 'im. 




(to 
CO 



m 
© 

O 

w 






THREE LIVE GHOSTS 73 

Briggs. I'm going to make a ghost out of some- 
body, if I don't find out what become of those 
jewels. Somebody around here has been trying to 
make a fool out of me 

Old Sweetheart. (Sweetly) Tryin ? 

Briggs. And he's going to be sorry. (To Jim- 
mie.j Now look here, young man ; you can save 
yourself a long term at hard labor. 

Jim m ie. Wot would be 'ard labor for a ghost. 

Old Sweetheart. Floatin' gently hout of jyle! 

Briggs. (Angrily) That'll be enough of this. 
(Turns to policeman.) You know what we some- 
times do when prisoners refuse to talk? 

Old Sweetheart. (Rises) Wot are you going 
to do ? 

Jimmie. They ain't going to get a word hout of 
me. 

Old Sweetheart. Dont 'art him 

Briggs. (Takes out his watch) Now I'll just 
wait five seconds for one of you to start the conver- 
sation. (He counts.) One — two — three (The 

door opens up c. door r. by Benson. Bolton en- 
ters.) 

Bolton. (Coming down c.) Hello, Briggs ! Have 
you really got him? (Starts to shake hands.) 

Old Sweetheart. The American? I got 'im. 
(Crosses quickly between Briggs and Bolton ; 
shakes hands with Bolton.J 

Briggs. Oh, you have? 

Old Sweetheart. (To Bolton) 'E took 'im 
away from me. (Points to Briggs.) 

Briggs. (To Bolton) Don't pay any attention 
to her. 

Old Sweetheart. This is my 'ouse. I found 
'im 'ere and findin's keepin's. (To Bolton. J I'll 
fetch 'im to you. (Starts to go to door l. Briggs 
stops her, shoves her to chair l., she sits.) 



74 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Briggs. You stay right where you are. 

Bolton. Where is he ? 

Briggs. I'll get him. (Crosses to door l. Opens 
door. Old Sweetheart makes motions to Bolton 
that she caught him, etc., Bolton crosses to front of 
table.) Come in here! (Calls off stage. Enter 
Rose followed by Bill. Briggs goes to r.c. back, 
comes down r. c.J 

Bolton. (Looking at Bill J Ah! Foster! I 
recognize you from your picture ! 

Bill. (Crosses to Bolton, smiling grimly) It's 
been a long chase, eh? ("Rose goes down l.) 

Bolton. I shall say it has. 

Bill. Sorry I put you to so much trouble. 

Bolton. Oh, never mind about the trouble! 

Bill. I'll give you credit for persistency. That 
reward has followed me everywhere. 

Old Sweetheart. Reward! (Briggs gives her 
a look; she subsides.) 

Bill. I couldn't get away from it. Well, I'm 

glad it's over. The only thing I feel bad about 

(Turns to Rose. Takes her hand.) They're trying 
to pin something on this little girl ; and she had 
nothing to do with it. 

Briggs. The Magistrate will decide that. 

Rose. Never mind about me, Bill, I hate to think 

of you as (Tears come to her eyes and she 

presses her head against his shoulder.) 

Bill. (Patting her head) Oh, I couldn't stalk 
and dodge any longer. (To Bolton. ) Well, I'm 
ready to go back. (Steps out.) 

Bolton. Good. (To BriggsJ I'll take him 
right along with me now. 

Briggs. Not so easy ! He's wanted over here. 

Bolton. (Stupefied) What for? 

Briggs. A little matter of kidnapping and rob- 
bery. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 75 

Bolton. He's committed a crime over here, too? 

Briggs. Rather! Are these 

Bolton. (Loofe-s surprised at others) Are tnese 

oeoole mixed up in it? 

P Briggs. This is the rest of the gang. 

Bolton and Briggs cross little to r. Enter Ben- 
f Jon <S Miss Woofers. Throws her down R. 
57i<? is terribly frightened.) 

Benson. The landlady's daughter seems , to 
know a good deal ahout the case. She s been talking 

"tSs fG V°e"/^r IT" uestion her. fl*~ 
offi^slndimback of Jimmie's dWr «rt.c door 
7 To Bolton.; This may interest you too. f Go« 
I Miss Woofers, too*, W at *^*«f^? 
a«d ifcrAW What do you know about this case. 
CMiss Woofers ifort* ro speak.) 

Timmie. rQ«'ofe/yj Nothin'! 

Briggs. (To Jimmie) You keep still! 

' ^Briggs. Used as a cr»6 by the gang? 

Miss Woofers. (Swallowing) Ye—es, sir. 
Bm^gT H****** to Jimmie and hurling the 
JZTat Miss Woofers; You know this man, 

'Ip"s?ins ^ 

Miss Woofers. (Faintly) Ye-es, sir 
Briggs. It was fc* who cracked the safe? 
Miss Woofers. Ye— es, sir 
Briggs. (Indicating Old Sweetheart; You 

know this person? 

Miss Woofers. Ye— es, sir. 



76 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Briggs. "Old fence" — receiver of stolen prop- 
erty? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Old Sweetheart. (Turns in chair, puzzled; 
hard look at PegJ Fence? Me, an old fence? 

Briggs. (Pointing to BillJ The American chap 
— he's the leader of the gang? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Briggs. International crook? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Briggs. (Indicating Rose J You know this young 
lady stayed out all night? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Briggs. Got the child handed to her? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Briggs. She told you that? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Rose. (Indignantly) How dare you? 

Briggs. You have a distinct recollection of her 
telling you that? 

Miss Woofers. Ye — es, sir. 

Briggs. (Pats her on the shoulder; then to Bol- 
ton ) A very good witness. (Goes up to Benson. J 

Old Sweetheart. Yes, a 'ell of a witness! 
(To Peg.J 'Anging the lot of us ! 

Briggs. (To BensonJ See if you can find any 
more like her. 

Benson. Yes, sir. (Exits c. door r., closes door.) 

Miss Woofers. (Anxiously) Oh, Jimmie, 'as I 
said anything wrong? 

Jimmie. Oh! Bly'me! 'As you said anything 
wrong! Just "yessed" us all into jail, that's all ! 

Briggs. (To Bolton, crossing to him) The mo- 
ment I saw him I knew he was the leader of the 
gang. (Points to BillJ 

Bolton. (To Bill) I was in hope that he might 
have had sense enough to go straight over here. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 77 

Bill. (Vehemently) I tell you I haven't done 
anything. I'm innocent. 

Briggs. Oh ! Yes, of course — you're all innocent 
— aren't you? 

All. Yes, sir. 

Briggs. (Laughs, to Bolton; What's he wanted 
for in America ? 

Bolton. Oh, a matter of some bonds — about 
sixty thousand dollars' worth. Isn't there any way 
I can take him back with me? 

Briggs. Hardly! You know, we like to keep 
them with us a long time in jail. (Looks at Old 
Sweetheart.; 

Bolton. Well, there's nothing more I can do. I'll 
report to the insurance company. (To BillJ Too, 
bad, young man, you got yourself into this fix. 

Bill. What's the difference whether I go to jail 
here or on the other side ? 

Bolton. You could have squared it with the in- 
surance company. 

Bill. How? 

Bolton. By paying back the money. 

Bill. Where was I to get money? 

Bolton. Who do you think has been advertising 
and offering a reward for you? 

Bill. Why, the insurance company, of course.^ 

Bolton. Quite true. But your estate is paying 

for it. 

Bill. My estate? What estate could there be 

for me? 

Bolton. Don't you know ? 

Bill. No 

Bolton. Your father's. 

Bill. Then he's ("Bolton bows his head. 

Bill's head drops.) 

Rose. (Comforting him) I'm sorry. 



78 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Briggs. You mean to say he's fallen heir to an 
estate ? 

Bolton. Yes. 

Old Sweetheart. What a nice thing to fall 
into. 

Bolton. (To Briggs ) May I speak to him 
alone ? 

Briggs. No, I can't take a chance. 

Bolton. It's in connection with the estate. I'll 
be responsible for him. 

Briggs. I don't mind your taking him in there, 
there's no window, but make it brief. 

("Bill and Bolton exit down l. Briggs to front of 

table.) 

Old Sweetheart. Now that Vs got an estate, 
I 'opes 'e'll appreciate my keepin' 'im 'ere. 

Jimmie. (Rises) You think you've been doing 
'im a favor? 

Old Sweetheart. Certainly. I'm 'is benefac- 
tress. 

Jimmie. (To Briggs J Don't pye hany hattention 
to 'er. 

Old Sweetheart. And wye not? Was it for 
myself I was wantin' the reward ? I should sye not. 
I was thinkin' of you and Peg. 

Jimmie. Ain't she generous? 

Old Sweetheart. (Warming up) And the wed- 
ding presents you'd be needin' ! The grand 'oney- 
moon ! Travellin' in style ! Not third class ! (Dis- 
dainfully.) But first ! In a compartment, where the 
conductor tips 'is 'at to you! And when you gets 
out, the porter 'andles your luggage, you walkin' 
proudly arter, with your 'eads stuck up. And 

Briggs. For God's sake, stop her! 

Old Sweetheart. (With dignity) I 'as stopped. 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 79 

Jimmie. (To Rose,) She ayn't bad 'earted. Only 
she hytes to see anything get awye from 'er. 

Briggs. Now listen, all of you. I'm going to 
give you one last chance. I can't afford to take you 
down to Scotland Yard and confess those jewels 
were stolen right under my nose, I've held my job 
too long. 

Old Sweetheart. Yes, too long. 

Briggs. Here's what I'll do. The one who'll tell 
me where those jewels are, can walk out of this 
room — free! Nobody will stop him, and if he does 
not make himself too conspicuous^ the police will 
never find him ! 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Briggs) You mean, if one 
of us tells, you'd let him go free? 

Briggs. He can walk right out of that door and 
I'll see that there's nobody down stairs to stop him. 

Jimmie. Does that go for 'im? (Points to the 
room where Bill is.) 

Rose. He'll never tell. (Crosses to Jimmie J 

Jimmie. But if hi tell, will you let 'im go? 

Briggs. Why him? 

Jimmie. (Pause, looks at RoseJ 'E's got some- 
think to live for. 

Briggs. All right, it's a bargain. 

('Jimmie and Rose start off for Bill to door l. 
Benson and officer appear in doorway shoving 
Spoofy. He flings him into chair. Spoofy sits 
half dazed, his hands on his head. Benson has 
short policeman's club in his hand. Officer 
stands r. Old Sweetheart rises.) 

Benson. Here's another one. Found him asleep 
in the cellar. Tried to break away and I tapped him 
on the head with this, (Shows club, indicate* s 
Spoofy's head.) 



8o THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie. (Indignantly) You 'it 'im ! (Makes 
a threatening move towards Benson. ) 

Briggs. (Shoving him back) Look out ! 

Jimmie. 'E's a pal of mine and 'e don't know wot 
'e's doin'. 

Briggs. Oh, he's a pal? 

Old Sweetheart. And a very kind gentleman. 

Briggs. The one that gave you the diamonds? 
Eh? ^Old Sweetheart doesn't answer. Briggs 
to Miss Woofers.J Didn't he give her the jewels? 

Miss Woofers. No, sir. 

Briggs. (Sharply to SpoofyJ Stand up! (^Spoofy 
rises, staggers back as if to fall, hangs on to chair, 
Benson helps him.) Search him ! ( Benson does 
so and finds the jewels. Briggs takes them up stage 
a little.) 

Old Sweetheart. They're mine. 

Briggs. I got them from the kind gentleman this 
time. (To Spoofy.J How did you steal them out 
of this room? 

Spoofy. Which room? 

Briggs. This room. 

Spoofy. I've never been here before. 

Briggs. Oh, no, they just walked out and handed 
themselves over to you ! Well, they're back again 
and this time I'll keep them. (Puts them in his 
pocket.) 

Old Sweetheart. Hif you lose them again hi'll 
'old you personally responsible. 

Briggs. (Crosses to Benson J I won't lose them 
again. Let me know when the van comes. 

Benson. Yes, sir. (Exits c. door r. and leaves 
door open.) 

Jimmie. (Goes over to Spoofy J Don't worry, 
old boy. They can't do anythink to you. You 
wasn't responsible. 

Spoofy. (Looking at Jimmie) Where am I? 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 81 

Jimmie. You're with your pals. 

Spoofy. (Vaguely) Pals? Who are these peo- 
ple? 

Briggs. What ? You don't know them ? 

Spoofy. (Puts his hand to his head) I don't 
seem to remember. I — I (Collapses.) 

Jimmie. Look out there! (Quickly goes to 
SpoofyJ 

Old Sweetheart. The kind gentleman's fainted. 
Hi'll fetch some water. (Crosses to l., enters the 
kitchen, gets glass of water.) 

Briggs. (Goes up to Spoofy, sees he has col- 
lapsed) Help me get in here. 

(Briggs, Jimmie and Officer help Spoofy off down 
r. Miss Woofers exits with them. Old 
Sweetheart comes with water front kitchen. 
Rose goes to front of table, as they carry 
Spoofy off.) 

Jimmie. (To Briggs J It's all your fault, you big 
bulliphant. 

Old Sweetheart. (To Rose crossing to door R.J 
It's a shyme ! Ttting the poorr gentleman over the 
'ead with a club ! Mybe it'll make 'im forget 'e myde 
me a present of the jewels. (Exits down R.J 

fRosE crosses l. to r. Bill and Bolton enter door 
l. Rose crosses l. to BillJ 

Rose. (Tensely) They found Spoofy. He's in 
there. He had the jewels on him. 

Bill. What? 

Bolton. (Crosses to Bill and Rose J You mean 
they've got one of your gang with the goods on 
him? 

Bill. I tell you there is no gang. 



82 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Rose. (To BoltonJ Those jewels were taken 
by a poor fellow suffering from shell-shock. 

Bolton. Shell-shock? 

Bill. Yes. He's not responsible. He doesn't 
know what he's doing. (Turns to r. as if to go.) 

Bolton. (Grabs him by the arm) Are you sure 
you didn't have a hand in the robbery? 

Rose. Of course not! 

Bolton. If you're telling the truth, you've got 
a good chance to beat this case. 

Bill. Then for heaven's sake, will you stay and 
help us straighten this thing out? 

Bolton. (Up stage l.) I'll do anything I can. 

Bill. (To Rose ) We've got a chance, Rose — a 
chance for happiness — and we'll fight this thing 
through. 

Rose. And we're going to win — because we're 
right. 

(Enter Jimmie — door r.) 

Jimmie. (Crosses to Rose and BillJ Some- 
thing 'as 'appened to 'is 'ead. 'E's talking sensible. 
(Goes up rJ 

Bill. fRosE and Bill up r. a little) You mean 
he's all right now? (^Bolton comes down.) 

Jimmie. (Comes down) Bli'me, no! He's all 
wrong. Just when he should stye cryzy, damned if 
'e don't get 'is brynes back again. (Up stage r. and 
back.) 

Rose. (Crosses to JimmieJ What do you mean? 

Jimmie. Can't you see the mess 'e'll get us into? 

Rose. In what way? 

Jimmie. Do you think a British jury will believe 
'e was cryzy when 'e pinched the jewels, and not 
cryzy after 'e got 'em? (Pause. Bill turns up 
stage.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 83 

Bolton. (To BillJ If you aren't mixed up in 
this thing, you can prove an alibi. Where were you 
last night? 

Jimmie. Bill and I never left the 'ouse. 

Bolton. (To Rose,) Were you in the house, too, 
Miss? 

Bill. (Crosses to Rose ) My George ! You told 
the detective you were in front of the house when 
the robbery occurred. (^Jimmie crosses to r.) 

Bolton. (To RoseJ You made an admission as 
damaging as that? 

Rose. I told him the truth. 

Bolton. Well, to be perfectly frank, it looks 
mighty strange, and I don't know what to think. 
(Crosses to l. a little.) 

Jimmie. And another thing, Bill, when that took 
came 'ere, Old Sweetheart was wearing the jewels. 

Bolton. Old Sweetheart? 

Jimmie. Oh! That's my step-mother. 

Bolton. (Crosses to Bill, hand on shoulder) 
I'm afraid you'll spend a long time there, before you 
spend any of that money in America. 

Jimmie. Bly'me, 'ere's a mess! What are we 
goin' to do? 

Bill. There's only one thing to do. Tell the 
truth. ( Jimmie goes up stage.) 

Bolton. Do you think they'll believe you? (Up 
stage, crosses to r v stays up stage.) 

Rose. (To BillJ They must believe you! 

(Enter Old Sweetheart ; goes to back of chair r.) 

Old Sweetheart. The poor gentleman ayn't in 
no fit state to be answerin' questions. It's a hout- 
rage. The wye 'e's treatin' 'im. 

Briggs. (Enters) Come on, get in here. Quit 
your shamming. (Brings Spoofy, throws him to 



84 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Jimmie, zvho passes him on to Bill, who sits him 
in chair l. Miss Woofers follows, stays up stage r. 
Old Sweetheart goes down R. To Jimmie J Try- 
ing to frame up a new kind of alibi? You claim he 
was suffering from shell-shock when he robbed the 
house. Shell-shock, hell ! You'll have to think up 
a better one than that. (By this time all, except 
Briggs, Old Sweetheart, Jimmie and Miss Woof- 
ers are grouped together over at L.j v 

Old Sweetheart. I wants a lawyer! 

Briggs. Better get a good lawyer! 

(Enter Benson c. door r.) 

Benson. This way, my Lady ! 

(Enter Lady Leicester. Comes down r. Jimmie 
crosses to l. Benson exits, leaves door open.) 

Briggs. (Moves chair up r.) Thank you for 
coming, Lady Leicester. I sent for you to be sure 
I wasn't making any mistake. 

Lady Leicester. Thank you for returning my 
baby so soon. I am very grateful. 

Briggs. (As he takes jewels from his pocket.) 
I sent the child as soon as I found him. (Holds out 
jewels.) Does your ladyship recognize them? 

Lady Leicester. Yes. ('Briggs gives her jewels, 
she puts them in bag.) 

Old Sweetheart. I was tykin' very good care 
of them for your ladyship. 

Lady Leicester. Thank you very much. 

Briggs. Don't thank her. Will you please look 
at these people and tell me if you've ever seen any 
one of them before? ("Lady Leicester looks down 
the line— gives a start as she sees Spoofy. Stops.) 



THREE LIVE GHOSTS 85 

Lady Leicester. Why— they reported you— 
dead! 

Spoofy. Dead ? 

Lady Leicester. (Crosses to Spoofy, quickly) 
But you're not— you're not ! Where have you been ? 
What happened? How did you get here? 

Spoofy. (Rises) How did. I get here? 

Jimmie. (Goes toward SpoofyJ We brought 
you 'ere — don't you remember? Took you out of 
the prison camp. 

Bill. (Coming down) Spoofy— don't you know 

us ? Spoofy ! 

Spoofy. (Still trying hard to remember) Prison 

cam p ? (Recollection begins to return.) Yes — 

I remember — we went over the top — I fell — then 

the prison camp. Why, you were there (Points 

to Jimmie. ) 

Jimmie. He knows me! 

Spoofy. And you were there ! (Points to Bill.J 

Bill. Yes, we were there long before you. 

Spoofy. We escaped — you chaps helped — saved 
me! Why, I remember. (Lady Leicester moves 
towards him. He slowly goes towards her and takes 
her in his arms.) 

Old Sweetheart. They do seem to know each 

other ! 

Jimmie. Very well, I should sye. 

Spoofy. Jimmie— Bill! (Takes their hands. 
Miss Woofers crosses to Jimmie. J 

Briggs. (To audience and all in general) Well, 
this is a new one on me! Robbed his own safe — 
and took his old child out for an airing. ("Bolton 
laughs.) Come on, Bolton. I want to get out of 
here. (Getting hat from rack.) We'll fix up that 
reward. 

Old Sweetheart. I clymes it! (Crosses to 

Briggs and Bolton. J 



86 THREE LIVE GHOSTS 

Bolton. We'll thrash that out later on. (Exit 
Bolton c. door r.) 

Old Sweetheart. We'll thrash it out now! 
(Shoots this at Bolton as he exits.) 

Briggs. I've thrashed out quite enough for one 
day. We'll divide that thousand pounds — 'alf and 
'alf. 

Old Sweetheart. Send my six 'undred in the 
morning. 

Briggs. Six ! 

CURTAIN 



BILLETED. 

A ,-wiaiW ?« 3 acts, by F. Tennison Jesse and H. Harwood. 4 
JL Ti, finales One easy interior scene. A charming comedy, 
^r'JtedTnif-uncSnmon 87 skill, and aboun ds w th <*™er^ 
Margaret Anglin's big success Amateurs will find ^yome^easy 
to produce and popular with all audiences. Pnce, od cents. 

NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. 

A comedy in 3 acts. By James Montgomery 5 males 6 females. 
rn«5tiimes modern. Two interior scenes. Plays 2*4 hours, 
C IsTpossTble to tell the absolute truth-even for twenty-four hours? 
It is— at least Bob Bennett, the hero of "Nothing But the Truth, 
accomplished the feat. The bet he made with his business partners, 
and the trouble he got into— with his partners his friends, and his 
fiancee— this i is the subject of William Collier's tremendous comedy 
hrt "Nothing But the Truth" can be whole-heartedly recommended 
as one of the most sprightly, amusing and popular comedies that this 
country cyi boast, ^ nce ' ou ^ enK ' 

IN WALKED JIMMY. 

A comedy in 4 acts, by Minnie Z Jaffa. 10 males f J^tJerkl" 
though any number of males and females may be used as clerks, 
etc): Two interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Plays 2 J4 hours. 
The thing into which Jimmy walked was a broken-down shoe factory, 
when the g cl?rks had all been fired, and when the proprietor was in 
serious contemplation of suicide. . 

Jimmy, nothing else but plain Jimmy, would have been a mysterious 
figure had it not been for his matter-of-fact manner, his smile and 
his everlasting humanness. He put the shoe business on its feet won 
the heart of the girl clerk, saved her erring brother from jail, j»ca ped 
that place as a permanent boarding house himself, and foiled tne 

V1 cTe n an, wholesome comedy with just a touch of human nature, just 
a dash of excitement and more than a little bit of true phdosophy 
make "In Walked Jimmy" one of the most delightful of plays 
Jimmy is full of the religion of life, the religion of happiness and 
the religion of helpfulness, and he so permeates the atmosphere with 
his "religion" that everyone is happy. The spirit of optimism, good 
cheer, and hearty laughter dominates the play. There is not a dull 
moment in any of the four acts. We strongly recommend rt. ^^ 

MARTHA BY-THE-DAY. 

An optimistic comedy in three acts, by Julie M. Lippmann, author 
of the "Martha" stories. 5 males, 5 females. Three interior scenes. 
Costumes modern. Plays 2 l A hours. 

It is altogether a gentle th.f.g, this play. It is lull of quaint hu- 
mor, old-fashioned, homely sentiment, the kind that people who see 
the play will recall and chuckle over to-morrow and the next day. 

Miss Lippmann has herself adapted her very successful book for 
stage service, and in doing this has selected from her novel the most 
telling incidents, infectious comedy and homely sentiment for the 
play, and the result is thoroughly delightful. Price, 60 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 We»t 38th Street, New York City 

Nsw and Exafieit Besertptivs CaUogaa Mailed Fraa on Rtqueit 



DOROTHY'S NEIGHBORS. 

A brand new comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of "The 
New Co-Ed," "Tempest and Sunshine," and many other successful 
plays. 4 males, 7 females. The scenes are extremely easy to 
arrange; two plain interiors and one exterior, a. garden, or, if neces- 
sary, the two interiors will answer. Costumes modern. Plays 2J4 
hours. 

The story is about vocational training, a subject now widely dis- 
cussed; also, the distribution of large wealth. 

Back of the comedy situation and snappy dialogue there is good 
logic and a sound moral in this pretty play, which is worthy the 
attention of the experienced amateur. It is a clean, wholesome play, 
particularly suited to high school production, Price, 30 Cents. 



MISS SOMEBODY ELSE. 

A modern play in four acts by Marion Short, author of "The 
Touchdown," etc. 6 males, 10 females. Two interior scenes. Cos- 
tumes modern. Plays 2J4 hours. 

This delightful comedy has gripping dramatic moments, unusual 
character types, a striking and original plot and is essentially modern 
in theme and treatment. The story concerns the advetures of Con- 
stance Darcy, a multi-millionaire's ycung daughter. Constance em- 
barks on a trip to find a young man who had been in her father's 
employ and had stolen a large sum of money. She almost succeeds, 
when suddenly all traces of the young man are lost. At this point 
she meets some old friends who are living in almost want and, in 
order to assist them through motives benevolent, she determines to 
sink her own aristocratic personality in that of a refined but humble 
little Irish waitress with the family that are in want. She not only 
carries her scheme to success in assisting the family, but finds 
romance and much tense and lively adventure during the period of 
her incognito, aside from capturing the young man who had defrauded 
her father. The story is full of bright comedy lines and dramatic 
situations and is highly recommended for amateur production. This 
is one of the best comedies we have ever offered with a large num- 
ber of female characters. The dialogue is bright and the play is full 
of action from start to finish; not a d~ull moment in it. This is a 
great comedy for high schools and colleges, and the wholesome story 
will please the parents and teachers. We strongly recommend it. 

Price, 30 Cents. 



PURPLE AND FINE LINEN. 

An exceptionally pretty comedy of Puritan New England, in three 
acts, by Amita B. Fairgrieve and Helena Miller. 9 male, S female 
characters. 

This is the Lend A Hand Smith College prize play. It is an ad- 
mirable play for amateurs, is rich in character portrayal of varied 
types and is not too difficult while thoroughly pleasing. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 

gffii— mmilWiminir'Hiir ii i wiTlTiWmW— "laraiii i»nr irTTi rriirnTrrnwrniM-iiTTTliBiri 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Inscriptive Catalogue Mailed Free en Request 



The Touch-Down 

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short. 8 males, 6 females, blit 
any number of characters can be introduced in the ensembles. Cos- 
tumes modern. One interior scene throughout the play. Time, 2V% 
hours. 

This play; written for the use of clever amateurs, is, the story of 
life in Siddell, a Pennsylvania co-educational college. It deals with 
the vicissitudes and final triumph of the Siddell Football Eleven; and 
the humorous and dramatic incidents connected therewith. , . 

"The Touch-Down" has the true varsity atmosphere, college S0ng9 
are sung, and the piece is lively and entertaining throughout. High 
schools will make no mistake in producing this play. We strongly 
recommend it as a high-class and well-written comedy. 

Price; 30 Cents, 

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry 

A comedy in three acts, by LeRoy Arnold. 5 males, 4 females. 
One interior scene. Costumes modern. Plays 2# hours. 

The story is based on the will of an eccentric aunt. It stipulates 
that her pretty niece must be affianced before she is twenty-one, and 
married to her fiance within a year, if she is to get her spinster 
relative's million. Father has nice notions of honor and fails to tell 
daughter about the will, so that she may make her choice untram- 
meled by any other consideration than that of true love. The action 
all takes place in the evening the midnight of which will see her 
reach tWenty-one. Time is therefore short, and it is hurry; hurry, 
hurry, if she is to become engaged and thus save her father from 
impending bankruptcy. 

The situations are intrinsically funny and the dialogue is sprightly. 
The characters are natural and unaffected and the action moves with 
a snap such as should be expected from its title. Price, 30 Geuts. 

The Varsity Coach 

A three-act play of college life, by Marion Short, specially adapted 
to performance by amateurs or high school students. 5 males 6 
females, but any number of boys and girls may be introduced in the 
action of the play. Two settings necessary, a college boy's room and 
the university campus. Time, about 2 hours. 

Like many another college boy, "Bob" Selby, an all-round popular 
college man, becomes possessed of the idea that athletic prowess is 
more to be desired than scholarship. He is surprised in the midst of 
a "spread" in his room in Regatta week by a visit frprri his aunt 
who is putting him through college. Aunt Serena; "a lady of the old 
school and the dearest little woman in the whole world," has hastened 
tb make this visit to her adored nephew under the mistaken impression 
that he is about to receive the Fellowes prize for scholarship. Her 
grief and chagrin when she learns that instead of the prize Robert 
has received "a pink card;" which is equivalent to suspension for poor 
scholarship, gives a touch of pathos to an otherwise jolly comedy of 
eollege life. How the repentant Robert more than redeems himself, 
carries off honors at the last, and in the end wins Ruth, the faithful 
little sweetheart of the "Prom" and the classroom; makes a story of 
dramatic interest and brings out very clearly certain phases of modern 
college life. There are several opportunities for the introduction of 
college songs and "stunts.'* Price, 30 Gents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28*30 West 38th Street, New York City 

Haw and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free as Request 



kkOH 



FRENCH'S 

Standard Library Edition 



Clyde Fitch 

William Gillette 

Augustus Thomas 

George Broadhurst 

Edward E. Kidder 

Percy Mac Kay e 

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 

Louis N. Parker 

R. C. Carton 

Alfred Sutro 

Richard Harding Davis 

Sir Arthur W. Pinero 

Anthony Hope 

Oscar Wilde 

Haddon Chambers 

Jerome K. Jerome 

Cosmo Gordon Lennox 

H. V. Esmond 

Mark Swan 

Grace L. Furniss 

Marguerite Merrington 

Hermann Sudermann 

Rida Johnson Young 

Arthur Law 

Rachel Crothers 

Martha Morton 

H. A. Du Souchet 

W. W. Jacobs 

Madeleine Lucette Ryley 



Includes Plays by 

Booth Tarkington 
J. Hartley Manners 
James Forbes 
James Montgomery 
Wm. C. de Mille 
Roi Cooper Megrue 
Edward E. Rose 
Israel Zangwill 
Henry Bernstein 
Harold Brighouse 
Channing Pollock 
Harry Durant 
Winchell Smith 
Margaret Mayo 
Edward Peple 
A. E. W. Mason 
Charles Klein 
Henry Arthur Jones 
A. E. Thomas 
Fred. Ballard 
Cyril Harcourt 
Carlisle Moore 
Ernest Denny 
Laurence Housman 
Harry James Smith 
Edgar Selwyn 
Augustin McHugh 
Robert Housum 
Charles Kenyon 
C. M. S. McLellan 



French's International Copyrighted Edition con- 
tains plays, comedies and farces of international 
reputation; also recent professional successes by 
famous American and English Authors. 

Send a four-cent stamp for our new catalogue 
describing thousands of plays. 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Oldest Play Publisher in the World 
28-30 West 38th Street, NEW YORK CITY 



